Cumming Ga

October 12, 2002 Cumming Ga.

Richards Gets Richer!

Wayne Richards shot a net 67 to take home first place today. Wayne a tour
favorite followed by his own chorus and gallery played to a champions form in
winning by three shots. This victory boosted Wayne into the top five on the
Tour. Players in his group commented on how few times Wayne talked and answered
himself during the round of play.

John Rymer took second place money with a sweet round of one under par 71.
Playing in under eight hours this marks the fastest round played this fall by
the oldest player in the SoB's. John had no statement to make to the press as
he was out of breath, and in search of a black and tan.

Tom Stapleton dropped to third place in losing a putt off to Rymer. This third
place finish marked a career achievement for Mr. Stapleton of the most Tour
events played in one season of seven tournaments. Nice to see the impact of
retirement practice in action.

Cumming Ga. October 5, 2002

Jordon Rolls to One Stroke Win!

Bill Jordon shot a net 70 today to take the victory at the Polo Fields on the
SoB's Tours first day of play in October. Smooth as the creamy foods he must eat
Bill continued his strong play. Since his month of May return to regular play,
his game has supported three first and two second place finishes. This strong
charge places the veteran in third spot on the money list( think he would buy a
new hat with the winnings).

This is a miracle of rehab, as Jordon is a legend in golf circles around the
world. Modest because of the numerous contributions to the game, when
interviewed Bill admitted that early in his career he was instrumental in many
developments for the game: the hickory shafted niblick, the mashey, gutta
percha balls and the caddie program at St. Andrews as a young lad. All things
that only John Rymer witnessed as an older man.

Second place one putt out of the win position is Dizzy Upchurch again. Cramped
by poor putting and the pressure of so many houses around the popular relief
spots on the course the Tour leader scratched out a few dollars. Rumors are that
he has a new address book and that this is effecting his play. When interviewed
about this rumor, the Champ confirmed it's truth, however it was noted that most
of the names appear with the designated letters of Dr.

Mike Hextall continues his streak with his second top three finish in three
weeks. A late starter this season because he thought happy hour was a nap, Mike
is showing a strong right hand on the mug in Mulligans Pub. Now if he can just
convince the better half that a night out is not sitting on the patio, Mike has
Tour Sob's championship potential.

Cumming Ga. September 21, 2002

Yankees take Top three places!

Saturday the SOB's Tour was dominated by the all Northern group of Skelly,
Hextall, and Stapleton. All three yanks shot under par to post their win, place,
and show finishes.

Rick Skelly took his first official victory of the 2002 Tour season with an
outstanding round of 63. The Irish entry from Boston played well to say the
least. A legacy player dating back to the Old Course in St. Andrews, Skelly
shared several of his golf tips prior to leaving the club house.

1. The reason the game of golf only has 18 holes is because that is the number
of holes it takes an Irishman to kill a quart of Scotch.

2. Playing with confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the
situation.

Mike Hextall shot a net 65 round on the wet Polo Fields. The best of his career
however fell a little short today but beat his previous best score by four
strokes. Mike however was excited as his improving play will allow him to keep
his Tour card for 2003. We tried to get a quote from the second place
finisher, but the fact that he can out talk an echo kept us from getting a
proper quote other than" bring me a beer Stephen."

Tom Stapleton beat Butch Elletson in a shoot-out for third. In a close contest
settled by a mere 180 feet on the putting green. Stapleton continues his
improving play..... he has showed up more this year than any prior year on Tour.
Said he hit his two best balls of the day today, however we think not unless he
stepped upon a rake.

Five weeks to play in the season 2002, and the side stories are building. This
weeks oddity would be the saga of Corky Mullins Playing a masterful front nine
in one over par, Mullins posted four birdies and one costly five over on number
five to fall out of the money.

Cumming Ga. September 7, 2002

RECORD ROUNDS FOR ELLETSON AND MULLINS BRING SHOOT OUT FOR FIRST !

Two Tour veterans choose the same day to play their best with net 62 scores.
It's not the first time either player has been unconscious, nor is it the first
time they have be unconscious together at Polo. It's is the first time that it's
happen in daylight on our golf course. Like hot spheres of fire Butch and Corky
played the best rounds of their life. Congratulations were received from all who
were so honored to see it in person, and from those not involved in the wolf
games who were most fortunate.

The shoot out was more of a shoot off as Mullins put his shot within eight feet
of the pin, while Butch put his shot within eight feet of his foot. Thus Mullins
continued his pursuit of the Sob's Trophy and moved ever closer to taking the
title. With the wind at his back (eating the hot-dogs at the club) and his snake
to guide him Mullins is in the hunt with a solid hold on second place for the
year.

Butch Ammo Elletson took second and did not care, as a record round on the golf
course is a first. Butch has had several record rounds in many states, and to
numerous intrastate rounds on his American Express to mention. When interviewed
about his play his only comment was directed at the bartender..... You got a
Styrofoam pitcher?

Third place was secured by Dizzy Upchurch with a fine round of 68. We asked the
Champ how he could shoot this round with three doubles and a triple bogey? He
responded with the same methods used to trip over a cordless phone.

Tom Stapleton took fourth in a shoot out with John Olson. Both posted net 69's,
however Tom is just better with 69's when it comes to the shooting. This was a
continuation of Tom's play in the club championship in which he literally
clubbed all those in his flight.

On a day of personal best, let us also recognize a SoB's Tour new record
category. Through the marvels of high tech development and the COR. 830 ruling
we have created a new statistical category for the Tour.... Drivers launched out
of bounds. Setting the bar high is Little Ricky McCartney with a course leaving
toss of 65 yards that landed in the middle of Polo Club Drive off a thin lie on
the seventeenth tee box. For those interested it was a titanium head, graphite
shaft. (It's a short right field)

August 31, 2002

Third Time is Idecker Charm.

Playing for only the third time this year on the Tour, Chris "The Idle" Idecker
shot his best round ever and came into the clubhouse with a net 64 score. As is
the norm, The Idle talked his way around the Polo Fields with a cadence faster
than mating canines, "Hold on Baby, just hold on." All efforts to interview the
winner failed, as he was overwhelm by his play, and the service of the bar
wench.

Second place was a familiar name once again... Bill Jordon. Playing to his form
prior to the injury of last year Bill shot 65, the twenty sixth time he has shot
below his age. This is a remarkable come back from what many thought to be a
career ending injury.... shaking a martini at the Christmas party.

Third place was Giles Smith with a net 65. A shoot out lost to Jordon, did not
deter the Mayors only non paid friend however as he stated this was just a
start, and now he would throw a three week appreciation tour of local bars to
show his thanks to all the little people who stood in his way in the past.

Steve Jackson took third with a shoot out victory over John Olson. Jackson has
been playing well over the last few weeks, but failed to take the big prize as
he had to turn in his score prior to the last group, thus his 67 was three to
many. A confirmed 19 handicap while playing alone, Steve in on the move up the
money list.... watch out leaders.

August 17, 2002- Cumming Ga.

Hotter Than a Television on Marta, Jackson Wins with a 67.

Steve Jackson posted a 67 in route to his first victory of the season on this
hot and humid day at the Polo Fields. Playing on lousy greens, and with a small
mind foursome Mr. Jackson proved that handicaps lie. This was the second time in
three weeks Jackson place in the top three places on Tour. Next month he will be
history however as the adjustment will drop him to his real ability ...13.

The place position was taken by a Tour has been. A relic of the Tour's early
days, John Van Winkle Rymer posted a score of 68, proving you can shoot your
age. This is the first top four finish for John since the development of color
TV. It's heartening to see a true Southern monument return to the spotlight on
Tour, rather than the spotlight of a police car patrolling the square in Helen
Ga. Nice playing Rymer, hope he remembers!

Butch "The Ammo Kid" took third place with a two under 70. Ammo has been on a
roll of late with a third place and two fourth in less than a month, this
combine with the five fifths would have anyone on a roll. Do not expect to see
Butch for the rest of the Tour season, the announced closing of Florabama has
created a depression, and a invitation that will take Butch south for a month.
As one of the top ten customers of the famous establishment Butch will be on
site for autographs, and demonstrations with his renowned six out shot glass.

Cumming Ga. August 10, 2002

Team Play Won by the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Tour play this week was a team format requiring a best ball score on six holes,
two scores on six holes, three scores on three holes, and four scores on three
holes. The miracle of the blind draw allowed every team the power and ability to
score properly. This in itself is proof of a divine being.

The scores posted demonstrated a wide spread in team ability. The winner however
left no doubt as to the strength of their play winning by eight strokes. The
team comprised of Bill Jordon, Steve Jackson, and Corky Mullins showed well the
power of a Sandman, an Old man, and a Snake handler. Posting a net 131 for the
match was outstanding for a course par of 157. This score was audited to make
sure the team had not misunderstood and turn in their team IQ or the time they
made the turn.

After interviewing the winners, the boast from them clearly shows no fear for
the remaining ten tour dates. These three feel the leader board will be soon
dominated by their names. We too believe they will be dominated if they tell the
wives how much they won and drank. We know too that these wives will also be
bored.

Other highlights of the day were as follows: 15 birdies from eighteen players. A
nude man playing from the ditch on eleven (proves this guy is truly Dizzy).
Steven Poston without his driver Blachard or bodyguard..Idledicker.

Good news to all Tour players....

Rick McCartney has decided to return to the tour full time... we all can use the
money.

Sadly for Rick his most recent business venture has failed. Months ago Rick
thought he had found a great import ideal while traveling in North Carolina. As
the center of the American Textile Industry Rick found a place offering dress
shirts for $1.28, slacks $2.50, and suits for $5.99. After developing his
business plan, and receive family support for the venture, Rick moved to
negotiate to import these garments into Georgia.

At this point Rick proceed to developed the first contract and arranged a
meeting with the principals. At this meeting the plan was explained to the
supplier. In less than ten minutes of conversation the supplier asked "Are you
from Oklahoma"? Why...yes, Rick replied. Yea! we thought so, because we are a
dry cleaners. Well now you understand.

August 3, 2002 Cumming Ga.

Six way shoot out yields winner.

On a hot and humid Georgia day three players shot net 68 to force a shoot-out
for first place. Amazingly the threesome had only one birdie for the day in
scoring four under on the Polo fields wilting greens. Steve Jackson, Giles
Smith, and Corky Mullins all took dead aim in the chip off with Mullins winning.
Giles Smith was second, with Steve Jackson in third.

The next group to shoot-out were SoB's of a similar stature, Butch Elletson,
Rick Skelly, and Steven Poston. In an unbelievable display of skill, and divine
intervention the Ammo Kid prevailed with the closest shot. Of course this was
not unforeseen as Butch had been practicing his shots all day.

Tour highlights- thirteen birdies, three closeups on a day with twenty two
players. Just proves even blind hogs can find acorns.

Cumming Ga. July 13, 2002

Jordon Returns, But its not Mike.

Bill Jordon return to the tour this spring after rehab. While rehab is common in
the Sob's Tour roster, this was for injury related reasons requiring no 30 day
stay. Bill posted a score of 69 on a rain soak course with gusty winds.
(Litzinger had German food last night) Mr. Jordon remarked "how wonderful it was
to find his old swing, and that combined with John Rymer playing fast made
playing well so much easier." Congratulations to Mr. Jordon, most people of his
age spend their days swapping knifes, and poly gripping teeth at the courthouse.

Second place was once again settled by a shoot-out. Dave Herring after a strong
round of one under par, placed his chip shot within two feet to defeat Henry
Lins. This victory mark Dave's first entry into the top three places on Tour.
Now if Dave will continue this type of play, he can expect to be made fun of
more often.

Henry Lins played well on this day, but his eighteen hole curse once again took
the dapper stock broker into the abyss. Leading the field most of the day, the
double bogey on the final hole forced Lins into the shoot-out. Review of the
scores this year show Saturday was just another example of the power the broker
has as his money per play dates is one of the Tours highest.

Butch Elletson was the third member in the shoot-out, but a small explosion
during his shot placed him strongly into fourth place after the ball hit the
clubhouse wall. Butch did however win the fashion award with his mauve colored
rain suit, matched with coordinating bag and shoes.

Notes:

John Olson fell short of the stroke per hole title on number seven. Olson only
posted a fourteen with his twenty foot putt at the end. Wayne Richards seventeen
still stands.

S. Poston proved the British still do not understand the difference between
waterproof, water repellent, and water solvable. Hope this helps at home
Stephen, just do not know how to explain the glitter, or cheap lilac water
smell. Rainsuit?

Cumming Ga. July 7, 2002

Dizzy Hot, Gang in pursuit.

On the hottest day of the year, the hottest player on Tour continued his summer
dominance. For the fourth straight week the reigning Tour Champ won again with a
net 66 score. If you had have seen the play hole by hole you would not believe
the methods used to post such a round that beat the chasing gang by two strokes.
Ole Diz topped three drives off the tee, and missed five putts inside of five
feet. Several Tour members are now seeking a school to teach dizzy. We suggest a
school that teaches luck, as this summer its all with Mr. Upchurch.

Three players came into the club house with scores of 68. Three players chipped
off to determine a winner. The victor was the same guy that took two close-ups
during regulation. Mr. John Graddy showed that some 21 handicaps do have a short
game outdoors as well. Rick Skelly took third place in edging out Scott
Blachard. All three gentlemen played well and stayed to drink up their winnings.

Highlights:

Mc Cartney was in the fight until a 10 on number eighteen, showing you can
snatch defeat out of something other than the mouth of victory. We know Ricky
knows about the feet from the mouth.

Scott Blachard drove by himself to the club, finally got his license after three
years with a learners permit.

Gerry Litzinger set a Guinness Book record in the senior division of the
heavyweight division by sweating over three gallons of a water based alcohol
solution through his shorts.

John Rymer finished early enough to bitch about slow teams entering the club
house after his early bird special dinner reservations at Shoney's.

Cumming Ga. June 29, 2002

Snake Handler Mullins finds the Fairway..... Shoots 67!

Corky Mullins stroked his Cobra this Saturday and posted the low net to take the
honors on the Tour. Playing well for the first time since March 30, 2001 the
Alabama scholar proved that religions ceremonies have lasting benefits as long
as you can keep the serpent from biting you or escaping into the bush. We asked
for an interview from Mr. Mullins, however he refused to reply verbally due to
previous dealing with the press. Mullins did however agree to releasing a
written statement as soon as he finds his stationary bike.

Two Tour Sob's shot net 69's... Rick Clark and Steve Eades. Because of the
skills each player has, they decided to spilt the money for second and third
rather than risk the public shame of hitting a poor shot in a shoot-out. We
understand well the concern, as all spectators were remaining on the second
floor deck to watch the chip off.

Dragging the fourth place money was once again Old Dizzy. Every week, like acne
on a teenagers face this guy will not go away. Posting a net 70 and his six
straight sub par round the current Sob's Champ continues to measure the field
well.

Cumming Ga. June 15, 2002

Red, White, and Robbery without a Gun!

The SoB's golf Tour returned to a full size field this Saturday. With sixteen
total players the competition on the Red, White, and Blue day was a farce. Over
half the field posted sub par rounds with the help of the red tees. Also of note
were the eighteen birds and one eagle which was amazing for this group of near
deads.

In first place posting a net score of 61 was a familiar bandit.... Ole Dizzy
strikes again. No one was shocked by this as he set up the tees to fit his on
game. Playing like a man under the influence Upchurch shot a gross 78 with three
birdies. Seems like he would get tired of being a highway man and turn legit.
None the less this is two weeks in a row of taking first place.

Bill Jordon and Rick Clark posted net 68 scores to tie for second place. Nice to
see the old Bill return to his normal game with a gross 77. Nice to see Rick
Clark again as well, seems his wife was out of town thus he was able to climb
the love fence around his home and come to the course.

Fourth place was won in a shoot out by Tom Harvey. We plan to tell him about it
when he can remember. Hextall and Van Horn tried to beat him, but the fumes
overwhelm them both during the shoot out.

Notables: McCartney has a eagle.
Mullins reports his name left off the tee list that he was managing.
Richards did not show, but did provide beer to everyone going passed number
sixteen.
Blackard still cannot come to golf course without a chaperon.

Cumming Ga. May 25th, 2002

Olson takes a six inch victory in shoot out!

John Olson continues his momentum on tour with a net 64 victory this day.
Equally strong, The Mayor Tom Antle posted a net 64 in what proved to be the
Tour's best scoring day of the year. Forced to shoot off, Olson won with the
best use of six inches in the neighborhood in four years. John's 83 gross
represents a fine effort on a day when many played very well.

The Mayor showed well in taking second place money. Antle is pursuing Olson with
excellent play in the month of May. When asked about his play, his honor only
spoke about the day of reckoning that was coming. (Olson's handicap dropping).

Third place..... Wayne Richards, strutting into the club house with a 67. Wayne
number four likewise is building moe for the summer season. Nice to see this
past champion playing well. Hell, most tour members just like to see him show up
every week.

Fourth place was captured in another shoot out. All players posting 69, thus set
up the three way event for Hextal, Joe Richards, and Upchurch. The Diz took the
prize with a narrow two foot victory over Richards.

Historically speaking many interesting things happen on the last Saturday in
May.

Most birdies
The return of Jordon to the tour
All the winners are past Tour Champions!

Cumming Ga. April 27th, 2002

Gerry Litzinger Wins after a two year Spell ! Big Birdie Day with eleven.

Saturday Mr. Litzinger posted a net 67 to take his first win in two years at the
Fields. This victory comes after working hard on his game in 2001. Litz used
every club in the bag to posted his score, remembering his new grip ( had ball
retriever and driver done in March) the old magic returned. Asked about the win,
Gerry could only comment that he had twenty five riders during the round. Later
we learned a rider is a term Litz uses to describe how many time he hits the
ball far enough that he must ride in the cart to get to the next shot.

Two players tied for second on the Tour this week. A young rookie and a seasoned
veteran, Skelly and Upchurch play the course in net 68 to spilt the place and
show money. These same two fellows have played the course at night with the use
of Miller lites and Bud lites, or so they tell the Mrs.

Other scores of note were John Olson's fourteen on number seven, and Little
Ricky's net 70 that fell short of the money by two strokes.

Cumming Ga. April 13th

Sumner Arrives in early spring Showers!

Steve Sumner posted a net 69 to take the Tour first place prize this week.
Playing in sloppy conditions this 6.9 is amazing, which is a good time or score
ruined by a period. Steve also threw in two birdies to become the dark horse for
the Tour Championship with this big win. Do not however confuse this Georgia fan
with questions about the win, as he is still trying to figure out why a
fudgepacker is employed at Hershey's.

Second time in as many weeks Dizzy Upchurch takes second place with even par.
Another amazing place finish after the three triple bogeys, and two balls in the
water on number fourteen. Trusting his driver to put him in position on the par
five's, (like two cannibals exchanging blowjobs), old Dizzy did post strong
scores everywhere else.

Falling to three-peat John Olson took third with a plus one score of 73. Olson
the hottest Tour player to date is showing his determination with his fourth
strait week of making the leader board. Folks, this man has had two first and
two thirds in five weeks, a new Tour record in spite of his ability ( can trip
over a cordless phone).

Corkey's Corner! states that Alabama's two biggest lies are:
The check is in the mouth.
I won't come in your mail.

Cumming Ga. April 6 the 2002

Windy Day prevents the birds from Flying. Olson takes back to back Wins.

The SoB's Tour posted a record on this day as not one player posted a sub par
score on any hole. Fifteen players struggled with high winds, weak skills and
excuses to record history after six years of action. Speaks volumes about the
talents of our Tour members and the luck normally on sight each week.

John Olson playing on a new lower handicap scooted around the Polo fields and
took first place again for the second time in as many weeks. When interviewed
from Mulligans Pub the night before John remarked he felt his game was poised to
put him in a position to repeat, and the fact that seventy five percent of the
Tour Players were in Mulligans during the call gave him great confidence. Nice
70, John! ( Olson has also been reported practicing on Sunday afternoons)
Working on his approach shot..... Vodka shooter.

Is the shame not enough with Old Dizzy? The Dizzy showed that his game is
positioned well to overcome any calamity. Posting a net 71, which was supported
with a quadruple bogey, and a triple bogey Dizzy Upchurch limped into second
place. As we watched this unfold today, our thoughts were only of the beach, and
fifty pound sacks of potatoes. Hell, this game could have stop flooding in
Johnstown PA. None of this is shocking as Dizzy thinks a Bar code is... the
Rules at Spondivits.

Third place money was taken by Wayne # 3 Richards in a putt off with Goose
Hardin. Both players posted net 72, however Wayne used his aero dynamic
advantage in the heavy winds to
out putt the Goose. This victory for third is unbelievable as all the momentum
in # 3's game was gone after the last two holes in which he gave back first
place. Blame is in his interlocking grip... around his neck!

Travel records were also set by Frankinstein Mullins when he played the par four
eleventh hole (1346 yards) from the pond bank on hole fourteen. Posting a game
stopping snowman for his failure to take a one stroke hazard penalty.

Cumming Ga. March 30, 2002

Mudder's Make it happen in Monsoon!

Polo saw heavy rains today, and the Mother's of Mud prevailed as John Olson took
first place with a remarkable score of 68. John a former Tour Champion brought
back the glory of 1999 to beat a small but stupid field of wet golfers. This
victory proves John can wallow in the mud, as if his days of youth did not get
him ready, majored in pig training throughout the State. Reporters on the scene
say the wet helped Olson as his slice was reduced by the ground water thus
making the fairway easier to remain upon after striking his normal slice.

Mullins, a well known Mother posted a 69 to secure second place on a day that
only a duck could love. This place showing propelled Mullins to the top of the
money on Tour year to date, setting up the possibility of a handicap reduction
in time for the limber- member at which time he and Olson will turn match play
into a show me contest.

For those seven soles playing in the rain, Bill Paiter has order speakers for
the PA. system so he can announce the following safety message. Please come in
out of the Rain all you SoB's.

Cumming Ga. March 23, 2002

Rain Stops, Ark Abandon as Bandits Team Up.

After a month off due to weather and leprechauns the Sob's of Polo returned to
the links for the continuation of Tour 2002. This Saturday two man teams fought
it out over the eighteen holes at the Fields with all the teams but one posting
sub par rounds. The best ball format may have been a poor choice description of
the play, however everyone seem to enjoy being out and having a chance to play
with their balls.

First place was taken by the Team of The Mayor Tom Antle and Goose Harding.
These two fellows posted a net 65 as did the second place team of Olson and
McCartney. In a dramatic putt off The Mayor with his ass as tight as a duck on
water pulled a forty foot putt into the cup to take the first place prize money.
Yelling from the time the ball left the putter "it's on line" which some thought
was a call for a sobriety test, Harding and Antle danced with joy.

Olson and McCartney took second place bettering four teams at net 66. These two
fellows prove well that playing from the fairway has no bearing on the score as
both slice the ball from opposite sides of the tee box. These two also are the
originators of the famous hanging lie in golf.

This week was a week of records. Low nets, and the fastest escape from the club
house by a Tour member. # Six, Wayne Richards escaped in less than sixty seconds
from the bag room to his car. Some said he was as confused as Adam on mothers
day as he raced through Mulligans. Nice personal best Wayne this sets a high
standard for the remainder of the season.

Cumming Ga. February 23, 2002

The SoB's Tour 2002, Big Week one, Big Weak Won!

Troubled with beautiful weather and a strong opening day field Corky Mullins (
Alias Frankenstien, and now using Big Pussy) shot a net 69 to take the first
place prize. Using self reinforcement, I am OK., I am OK, Big Pussy play
consistent (took his medication). When interviewed Mullins utter only... Rymer
move the Kudzu is coming. Do not worry fans, Big Pussy took the tour lead early
last year, then faltered when the investigation into genetics in Alabama revealed
possible tampering from aliens that would improve scores on urine test.

Second place was captured by Big Toy Shaul. Posting a even par 72 with borrowed
clubs, Shaul showed that owning clubs is the best excuses to play poorly. Next
week expect to see another set of clubs that he does not own, and a 2 under
score. I guess this proves you cannot buy a game. Note that Big Toy also is not
using his own hair color, or is the gray just dust from his hat?

Dizzy Upchurch stumble into third place with 73. Just another week of showing
that five double bogeys in a row, coming home cannot stop this Tour Champion. We
think he was drinking, but each week he seems to know just how much sand to
drain from his bag to pinch a little cash. Is the honor of the game of no
importance, or is the smell of Mulligan's Pub just to strong for this old horse
to slow down.