Cumming Ga

Fulton County, Georgia November 11, 2005

Richards Wins Best ball with Eleven Under...... 61!!

The famous Richards Clan of Forsyth County Georgia strolled on the The links at White Columns today and showed just how the game is played. In what was a masterful move of strategy the siblings pull together a plan that capitalized upon the strengths of each personality to capture victory with an amazing round of net 61. Wayne the captain of this all out assault correctly for the first time in the history of the SoB's Tour used the line up that demonology would dictate to correctly maximize the abilities within the team. Some would say this new technique could change golf if everyone could study the manner in which one could align all things good into an unstoppable force of positive Karma. None the less, the play so shown today by Mr. Richards was the best this reporter has witnessed from this past Tour Champion and SoBs icon. Today's victory was Wayne's first since June 11, 2005 and marks the fifth straight season of at least two wins.

Scott ( 2004Champion ) Blackard took second place alone with a net 69. This second place finish move the Champ one step closer to a repeat of last year. Unfortunately Idecker now has a key to his car, so sleeping in the drive way prior to a dinner party is not likely to repeat. Scott was confident upon enter the score tent, but fell softly into his seat as the news of the Richards team score reached him. Not discouraged he arose and threaten to return to the winners circle next week. I asked him could he overtake the leader in just a week and Scott replied " depends on when he starts drinking this week." Not sure which he meant Himself or Upchurch.

The Mayor Tom Antle ( OLD, Very OLD Past Champ) shot even par today and took third place by eight strokes. This is Tom's best margin of accomplishment using eight strokes in his life. Usually anything this far from exciting makes a nap breakout upon the Mayor of the Polo Fields, but today he strutted across the finshline with the vigor of a man twice his age. In a post game interview the Mayor was unable to comment as he had forgotten he played.

NEXT WEEK THE FINAL CHAPTER ON THE 2005 SEASON!!!!

Cumming Georgia, October 29, 2005

T's kick Ass, Tom, Tommy, and Terry all hit the Money!

Tom Stapleton keeps rolling through the Polo Fields as this week he wins again in a playoff with Tommy Miller for first place. Both men shot net 72 but Stapleton won in the chip off to post his fifth time in the money in six weeks of play. This first ever type string of play on the SoB's Tour is truly amazing. No player has ever dominated the play for such a period of time in the last decade of play on the most competitive Tour ever played at the Polo Fields. While Tom has himself been dominated for periods longer than six weeks. Never has he been the dominator inside the neighborhood. One would wonder what could Stapleton have done over the years had he not been fearful of the statues of limitation outline by the federal justice system. He refused to comment on catching the Tour leader, as his mother always warning him about saying only nice things or nothing at all.

Tommy Miller, another hot player from the Atlanta area settled for second place today. Playing well himself for two of the last three weeks young Miller showed a confident resolve that the Tour Championship Trophy was in his grasp. The Tours only player with a European sponsor did not come to the press tent to comment on his round, thus the story today is short. One side bar comment did however tickle Miller when he was informed of Corky Mullins statement regarding Millers support from overseas while on the Sob's Tour.

" Why in the hell would he tell people he's proud to have been a peeing on sponsors."

Terry Morrison was third because no body else play worth a dime. Which is exactly the amount of his limit on gambling. None the less Morrison as the above two has played well since rejoining the Tour this year.

Cumming Georgia October 15, 2005

Senior Moments! Clean Living, and a legend!

John Olson past Tour Champion and now a senior citizen showed the value of experience and family on the SoB's Tour. Mr. Olson shot his best round of the year today and beat par by seven strokes. His play was credited to the fine aging that turning a half century 0ld brings to something that is a carbon based mammal of 80 proof. Enjoying the support of his friends on his fiftieth birthday the old ... very Old Champ impressed every relative that could possibly move into his house as well. Then John to celebrate took all his friends to see Elvis at the Lantern Inn and thus set the stage to be with Elvis full time on the Super Senior SoB's Tour that will be played upon a higher course.

Tom Stapleton for the third time in three weeks shoots under par. Moving up fast on the Tour leaders nothing can be better said that he's got game. Net.. 71 from the black tees says volumes about his short game and focus upon his goal of being a top five SoB. Now in third place overall the question arises can he continue the streak for another three weeks on Tour. This would be a record breaking streak.

Third place was spilt between two names that have been on the board of late. Terry Morrison and Steve Upchurch in a poor scoring performance shamefully post two over par's seventy fours for the show position. No words can describe these efforts thus good Bye!

Cumming Georgia, October 8, 2005

Tommy Guns Shoot Up Par!

Tommy Miller shows he can handle the green, the black, and the ugly. The young Miller with long drives and accurate chipping overcame the dreaded black grunge and sporadic grass of the Polo Fields greens today and beat par by five strokes. The score was remarkable as the conditions were not the best and the fields was small thus providing a reason to take measure of anesthesia...(Miller Lite well known brother). This effort helped maintain his top three position as we head down to the Tour Championship.

Tommy Stapleton still hot from last week was four under again and took second place. The quite gentlemen of North Polo showed the skill that has carried Tom Antle for years ... steady play and no mistakes. This recent strong showing has now put Tom in the top four and positioning him for a run at the SoB's Tour Championship Trophy.

Fulton County Georgia October 1, 2005

Clampett's Come to the The White House, Or Sob's See the Home of Charity!

Tom Stapleton showed strength and a strong resolve in his score of four under par today on the White Columns Country Club Championship golf course. This familiar name should ring the memory bell of all the Polo Club members as all our carts, practice balls and wash cloths originated from this location. In an interview in the men's card room Tom was unable to speak as the waiters and bar manger were so attentive. This seems to be the only thing that remains to be transferred to the Polo Fields.

The 2005 Champ Scott Blackard showed his abilities today in taking the second place money with even par 72. Blackard trying to repeat last years effort overcame a few double bogeys and finished strong in spite of the challenges the wind placed upon his Shoney's Big Boy hair. Paired with Chris Idecker seemed to be little of a problem as Pop's was a mere ghost of an influence upon Blackard. Seems no lip wedge means no quad's triples, or three putts for the current Champ.

Corky Mullins tied Blackard with a even par as well. This marked the first time Corky has tied anything of late, as he is usually just tongue tied by this late in the day. In fact the strange surroundings confused Mullins as he was seen taking off his shoes before he walked into the back door of the White Columns men's card room. Dazed by the strong showing no interview was granted to the press.

Cumming Georgia, September 25, 2005

Tour Cards Saved for Next Year! Commemorative Head Gear in Style.

Mike Hextall past Tour Champion caught a glimpse of the past for four hours today and relived 2003. Stepping around the Polo Fields like a cataract victim in a room of cow dung Mike was able to avoid the demons that have plague him for the last two years... (himself and his beloved Chicago athletic curses). Net 64 at the end of eighteen holes today, rather than at the end of the fourteenth hole as is the norm was his winning total. The four stroke win bested a small field of Tour veterans but none the less may have saved his Tour card for the 2006 season. This too was a first for Mike as four strokes never did him any good before in his life. Also noted by the Tour was the rather dapper Jimmy Piersall hat denoting those of a different perspective. Of course we have seen how Mike can imitate someone out in left field with multiple personalities.

Steve Jackson a Tour member for almost a full year over the last five years grabbed second place with a four under sixty eight. Carrying more strokes than the a coxless pair at the Olympic rowing trials Mr.. Jackson beat out the chasing SoB's with margin to spare. This second place as with Hextall may have saved his Tour card for 2006. Jackson who plays very little made no comments, other than it is so damn fun to abuse Litzinger and that the only reason I see to play" Also it is known Barbara trust Jerry not to lead Steve to " a... stray".

Cumming Georgia, September 17, 2005

Door's Swing Open for Morrison, Jimmy spins in the Turf with the News!

" Break on Through to the other side" Alfalfa challenged sibling to Jim Morrison passed into the winners circle today scoring a sizzling 68 on the famed Polo fungus. This marks the second straight money winning performance of Alf's career on the SoB's Tour. Marked by a constant pace and two naps the poster child for the Muppets don his pimp hat and stroll pasted all the other SoB's for the first time. When asked about his victory he posed the following, " You know the day destroys the night" as he drank. Boasting a toast Alf"s last words were" Made the scene from week to week, day to day, hour to hour and finally kicked you SoB's."

Tommy Stapleton estranged partner of the Mayor of the Polo place second today. Scoring two birdies and demonstrating solid skills the squire of North Polo continued his journey to achieve infamy on the SoB's Tour. Never in trouble,(Chris approved his escape) the old SoB proved again the merits of consistent play and having a clue as to where the ball is going. This type of play has Stapleton in the top ten and close to grabbing a spot in the final four come November.

Third- Upchurch again! Does Blackard know had far he is from repeating? Where is Tommy Miller? What in the hell is going on with the young guns of the Tour. Can they re-group? This reporter just cannot figure out how thirty year olds can loose ground to a half a century dated old SoB.

Cumming Georgia, September 10, 2005

Pop's A Top Again, Shootout between Pimp and old Man nets cash!

Pop's Idecker blazed around the Polo Fields racking up a net 65 to edge out a strong group of SoB's today. Idecker often not up to Par on Saturday's finally made the performance pay off in finishing first which is often the case as well. Tennessee alumni showed determination in hanging on for the last nine holes after an amazing round of 40 on the nine holes played early. Pop's stated that he was very nervous heading into the last nine holes of played and said it was equal to the three longest years of his life ( Being freshman at Tennessee). This is Pop's second win of the year and moves him into fifth on the money list which also follows the Open Container victory on 6/18/05 ... ironic is it not?

Kangol Morrison after a five year hiatus in the Rockies shoots 69 and strolls like a pimp to second place. The twice registered SoB, has claimed his first big money since returning to the Tour to the shock of many Tour fans. We checked the records as far back as possible and the clay tablets of the old days just do not show any previous victories, second places or third's. In fact their are no records of him scoring since those post college years in Illinois. Kangol spoke at length about the struggle to get in the money. He reflected on his early childhood days of dealing with being a stand in for Alfalfa which ended when at thirty one Carl Switzer was gun down for being to slow in a game of croquette. Strangely Kangol still works on his acting skills and hopes for a remake of OUR GANG. This patience has given him the liquid semi solid melancholy desire to succeed on Tour. Good luck Kangol on your quest, but hurry along as the business ladies group is setting up the wickets on the practice green.

Like ticks on a dog Dizzy Upchurch came in on the tail end of the money winning third place money in a shoot out over Olson and Blackard. Kangol bested him for second, but in true form Old Diz bested the chasing Blackard to add to his lead and his pursuit of the Championship for 2005. Past Tour champion Upchurch was to emotional to talk after today's play due to laughter started when he heard Corky say that Alabama residents define moisture created by lovers as relative humidity.

Cumming, Georgia September 3, 2005

Crown tops Amaretto, Litz four Corners, Blackard Rolls like the Tide.

Butch Elletson shoots his age on a beautiful day at the Polo dirt mounds, his first 65 in Tour play. Known by many as "Amaretto Slim" the Curmudgeon of Polo golf and dry Witt was unbelievably good today posting a net 29 and a net 36 on the repeated back nine's. Interviewed just after his twin nines Slim spoke of the change in his game.... "I have given up the Amaretto and change to the Crown method of golf." This new approach must be working as this is Slim's second first place finish this year in sixty days. Our view of the round indicates that the Crown method appears to allow Slim to hold his head straight when gripping the club and attacking the ball. This in turn has produced a shot that can be located in front of Slim. Net results from the new method... he looses less golf balls and his bar bill is much lower.

Jerry Litzinger was a near miss to capturing the win with a strong round of 66. Never rushed and often pondering the challenge of the infield of play old Litz as he is known down at Ryan's Steakhouse (his secret sponsor) was able to stop time and roll to the second place finish. (Jerry is well known for his seconds.) His agent would not allow an interview due to Litz's recent hostage situation in which one of his multiple personalities threaten to kill himself. We were able to over hear a muttering of "Why is when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio."

Tour Champion 2004, Scott Blackard with a one under par 71 took the third place money. This is the third week in a row that the Champ has shot sub par rounds and been a money winner with a first, second, and now third. This type of play was unexpected due to the recent tragedy of sending his most precious daughter to the Tuscaloosa Institute for Football Studies. One would suspect that the cost of such a school would weigh heavy upon a Gopher with no experience in dealing with the criminal justice system of player development. This report asked Scott did he think he could repeat in 2005 his Tour dominance. He replied, " only if the wife goes to New Orleans on a mission of mercy." Tour patrons we all will have to see if he can repeat... Stay tuned SoB fans.

Cumming August 13th

Turn Out the Lights, the Party is Almost Over!

Upchurch Supplies the Proof (190) That the Title is His to Lose.

Substitute reporter, B. V. Erwaxer.

Saturday's final SOB major supplied very little drama as the 'ol commissioner ran away with another victory. This PGA (Pure Grain Alcohol) event was almost over before it started, as only an overweight, double-visioned, Foster Brooks look alike could putt on these Polo greens. Yes, greens that resemble the south end of a north bound Monica Lewinsky after a couple of pizzas. Upchurch fired a net 64, which means he shot 79 for all of those SOB's that may want to post this number a time or two. It is this reporter's opinion, that unless our enforcer, Big Pussy Mullins, goes to the kneecaps with a baseball bat or another SOB plays out of his ass (yeah right!), then the trophy will be heading back to Forsyth County.

Second place fell to Scott Blackard, whom played well and shot a net 67. However, just like the person behind Gerry Litzinger at a Shoney's breakfast bar, Scott was not able to bring home the bacon. Unfortunately, at this stage of the season, this reporter does not see a repeat championship in Scott's future. Perhaps he should focus on more important things in life, such as learning to pass out where people can see you or taking a some toilet paper and a box of laundry detergent to support your favorite college football team. Remember Scott, only hoes & football players go to Alabama. What position did you say your daughter played?

In third place came the ever-entertaining Denny Fitzpatrick. Recently, Denny's golf game has had more bumps in it, than Mike Vick's girlfriend. However, today his net 68 placed him only one shot out of second place. Sporting his transparent red & white shorts, left over from his Navy days, Fitzpatrick's style of play fits the ever-deteriorating Polo course well. Keeping his balls out of the Madonna like rough, Denny kept his shots below the wind, off of trees and rolling onto the greens. This Wayne Richards wannabe is starting to show the potential that had him as a preseason pick for 25^th place.

Special kudos' to Henry "I'm two holes behind" Lins for his three close ups. Tying the all time SOB record, we look forward to the day when one person will claim all four.

And special thanks from Heritage for sanding all your ball marks Saturday. They promise to get us to 18 temporaries by fall.

Cumming Georgia, August 6, 2005

Mayor Wins in Landslide, Dark horse Second, Trainer Third!

His honor Mayor Tom Antle crushed his opponents today in what seemed like an uncontested race. Scorching the Polo Fields in 81 gross and 63 net the past Tour Champion showed flashes of his younger self. This is the first time the Mayor has shot his age in golf, however he has preformed this feat in bowling several times of late. In his post victory interview the Mayor spoke of the trail back to the top of the winners bracket. " Folks let me share with you the keys to winning on the SoB's Tour. First injuries are a part of the game. Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician. Second, Wrinkles don't hurt from the inside, everyone else should wear protective eyewear. Third, Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. Finally my friends, never baptize a cat". The interview ended at this point as the winner took confused and wander off to the toilet.

The place position today was taken by a late entry from the stables of Mrs.. Poston. The owner was out of town, but her Clydesdale gelding performed well without the hand of the owner that so often has gone to the whip in years past. Running with abandon and a wild look of unbrided- freedom the British horse "No Chains" Poston took home second place money of $3900.00 dollars. This on a day when the Brit was expecting to be in a claiming race at night fall. No interview was given due to a heavy spirits match that proceeded today's play.

Wayne Richards continued his climb up the leader board in search of his second SoB's crown with a third place net 70. Beating out several players on his heels the old Champion resorted to playing with people who were unfamiliar with the group concept and thus did not engage in the use of the lip wedge or the majority rules arguments started with the Richards clan .... of the normal Tour veterans. One member of the playing group did comment that Wayne should have known better that to let Mom comb his hair when she is mad at Dad. Recent news of Richards desire to return to the top of his game have been widespread. We in fact know that a traveling trainer has been retained to work on the areas required to put Wayne in the Tours elite. DR. Phil also will be signing books at Mulligan Pub directly after he holds a session with Heritage management on disciplining the membership Or can you really screw up trapped drinkers with poor service.

Honorable mention This week goes to Dave VanHorn. Our fellow Tour player and dedicated Polo Member stepped forward with his beliefs on behalf of us all. Thank you Dave, you have the support of Polo's strongest Tour, and some of it's largest club bills. Your words speak the truth. We urge each of you to step forward as well and let your voice be heard for the benefit of us all.

07/30/2005 Cumming, Georgia

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

MULLINS ENDS 3 YEAR DROUGHT WITH VICTORY!

Substitute reporter, Ben T. Johnson

First the Jets beat the Colts, then the USA defeated the Soviet Union, now

Corky Mullins wins a SOB event. The contestant was more proud of his new 17

handicap then a Steve Eades with a hard on. Playing in a constant rain and

fresh off a 7 to 6 match play loss at Woodmont, Mullins electrified the

crowd with his new dapper chapeau that not even Terry Morrison would be

caught dead in. Playing a Polo course that featured pock marked fairways,

hardened clay traps and greens that resembled left over pepperoni pizza,

Mullins led by three strokes going into the last hole. In true Mullins

tradition, a double bogey guaranteed him his first win by one. I suspect we

will be seeing many more of these net 64's out of this trooper. I also

suspect the Wayne Richards will become the starting center for the Hawks and

Gerry Litzinger will be the poster boy for UNICEF.

Second place fell to the ol' country boy himself, Steve Sumner. More than

one person came up to this reporter and bragged about how well Steve played.

Well, my only comment was, if he played so damn well, how did he lose to

Corky? Four putt - ittis apparently, for a net 65. Mr. Sumner commented

that course conditions reminded him of back home in south Georgia. You

know, when the septic tank backs up in to your trailer and then you find out

that the plumbing was never hooked up and you call your uncle Rodney, but he

is jail. However, your aunt Lizzy is home but she is helping the paper boy

with the Wednesday edition and its four or five inserts. And your brother

is trying on his new dress.........well you get the picture.

In true SOB diversity, third place went to Rick Skelly.(AKA Yankee Boy) Mr.

Skelly, who is investing a small fortune in his new "cement pond" played

with the above mentioned winner and runner up. Skelly attempted his best

efforts to lip wedge both Corky and Steve, but ran into a translation

problem. Both players just ignored Rick, as they thought he was suffering

from a head cold and could not understand him. (Just try this at home. Say

car. Now hold your nose and say car. See what I mean) I would urge all to

be nice to Rick, though. If we can talk him into holding the end of the

year party just one more time, we can have our own redneck games. Let's

look forward to belly flopping into the big dirt water filled hole in his

back yard. (Oh you want you gunite in this hole, that will be another

$20,000. Pass inspection? Another $20,000. Skelly's facial expression?

Priceless!)

The rest of the players? Thanks for participating, see you next time.

By the way Poston; Debbie just called. Have another drink. She is helping

your paperboy with the Sunday edition. It has a hell of lot more inserts

then the Wednesday paper!

Cumming Georgia, July 16, 2005

HOT KID-I, HOT & YOUNG, COOL LUCKY!

Bart "Kid " Idecker demonstrated again today just hot it can get in July. " KID-I " shot a net 63 in his victory today and moved well up the money list. The young gun.... Kid- I enjoyed his second round in the sixties this month as he shot 67 two weeks ago. This type of score is not unusual for an Idecker as his brother often tested at these levels during his stay at Tennessee. Now the challenge begins as the true test of an SoB lies before him. Can he come out enough times to become a Champion SoB? Will he retreat like others from down highway 400 and fall victim to Postonmonia.

Tommy Miller took second place with another sub par score of 68. Miller is another hot young rising star on the hunt for fame on the SoB's Tour. The round posted was also his second time in the money in July. Hard to believe that after only a decade out of Florida State that Miller is able to function at such a high competitive level. Seems like only yesterday he was a hotel clerk going to school and handling the hard complaints of the guest at Motel Six. Few know that Tommy was a quick study and is famous for his quick mind. Once known to have responded to a call to the front desk in a time of crisis as follows:" This is room 213, and I got a leak in my sink. Tommy replied " Go a head.

Tour leader and seldom remembering what hot means, Steve Upchurch scratched third place cash with a three under par score. Perhaps the only player in the top ten not to have won, Upchurch keeps close to the money with steady play and a lot of luck. The luck thing has always seem to follow the Tour veteran as it is rumored he hit the Alabama lottery for $3,000,000. Upchurch refused the lump sum and took the $3.00 a year for a million years.

BUICK SCRAMBLED, SOB'S GO BUTCH

(Substitute Asian reporter, Raam Yu Goode) July 9, 2005.

Saturday's SOB golf was rescued by a last minute cancellation of the Buick

Scramble and a gathering of luckless men wishing to do anything other then

go back home.

A quorum of eight SOB's were left gasping for one more adult beverage as a

30 handicapper brought old lady Polo to her knees. And like his love life,

he had to pay for this lady to go down as well. Butch Elletson, playing one

of his better rounds ever, finished with a net 66. Upon finishing, he

informed a quivering and sobbing Wayne Richards, that his place as Butch's

Bitch in the fall member / member was in jeopardy. Interested members

should contact Butch directly and bring cash.

Meanwhile, the steady putting stroke of Tommy Miller produced another net

66. Mr. Miller, who finally enjoyed a round where someone wasn't talking in

his backswing, toured the front nine in 37. Unfortunately, he ballooned to

a 44 on the backside and was heard telling another SOB that it "kinda felt

good, you know on the backside".

A chip off ensued, and Mr. Elletson, his trademark cigarette drooping from

his mouth, stuck it on the pin. And Tommy, well let's let just say it

wasn't Miller time.

On a personal note, I would like to offer my condolences to a Hall of Fame

SOBer. John Graddy apparently was recently beaten by Gerry Litzinger in

several rounds of golf. The very same Litz that lost to Butch on Saturday

by 17 net strokes. Unbelievable.

See ya on Poston Open weekend.

Cumming Georgia, July 2, 2005

les Bian Teaches Olson, Idecker Stay's, Robo with MO!

John Olson former Tour Champion, and resident cantankerous commissioner returned to the winners slot after thirteen weeks of lack luster play. Just fresh off a week of golf training at the yet to be famous golf institute in New England run by the renounced Ms. Mania Les Bian and Mr. Farris Thispecker. John demonstrate a gentle touch and fluid like technique in dealing with the holes on the eighteen tightly trimmed mounds of the Polo Fields. Olson commented that the tips he learned at the hot and wet rolling crevasses that surrounded him in New England would likewise asset all fellow SoB's in getting the ball to the hole with the long or short game.

Bart Idecker emerged from the shadow of his Pop today and scored his first pay day with a sizzling 67. This road to second place has been one difficult struggle in light of the reputation inherited from siblings that preceded him on to the Tour. None the less the youthful Bart showed something never witnessed by the Tour before by an Idecker.(He collected without having to sneak out a side door to avoid a round of drinks).

Mike "RoBo" Wrobleyski in mime like pandemonium played well today and took third with a net 68. The metronome of excitement RoBo played well within himself and not once broke his sleep to secure his reward. Moving up the Tour leader board has become important to this third year player and this reporter can see the undetected momentum building each semester.

Cumming Georgia, June 25, 2005

Collision on route to 66!

The SoB's Tour had a three person pile up this Saturday on route 66. Three Tour players sizzled home with six under scores to cause a shootout again for the second straight week. Stephen Poston (guest), Butch Elletson, and Henry Lins were the victims of the collision at the Polo Fields SoB''s Tour. In the end the win , place and show was as follows: Lins Wins, Butch Elletson places, and Dave Van Horn shows. This is not to be confused with the place and shows these three have put on around the metro area, nor is it related to the events at Johnny's Hideaway before the lights come on with a new friend.

Cumming Georgia June 18, 2005

Idecker ALL OUT OPEN CONTAINER WINNER, OTHERS TIGHT!

Chris Idecker proved again today just how comfortable he is with the attributes of the OPEN CONTAINER format. Idecker squeaked by the field with a one stroke victory net 67 on a day filled with tradition and toast to the famous foundations of golf's amateur status. The round was highlighted with one birdie and no shirt changes. Chris in his third Tour event of the year was thrilled with his sub par performance. He said" Much as in the rest of my life this fits me like a glove, or ball and chain".

Second place in the OPEN was settle by a shootout. Two Tour icons of the open container, Dave Van Horn and Steve Upchurch stood weaving during the sudden death chip off, and while the results were clouded by a fog of toasts dust the winner was Steve Upchurch. This reporter's view was the results were directly impacted by the body weight index and the effect of alcohol. At four under 68 both players bested the rest of the field by a wide margin, proving again practice helps when dealing with outside influences.

Cumming Georgia, June 11, 2005

Richards chases TEN, Two come up short!

Wayne Richards tried his best to post a ten on the finishing hole and fall out of first place today. Richards came to the tee on eighteen with a five stroke lead and then the demons spoke to him. The past Tour champion knowing of his position proceeded to take six strokes to get to the green in search of that perfect ten. However the Champions heart took over and Richards sank a twenty five footer for a seven and the victory. Richards talked of his fear and the composure required to save the victory. We unfortunately are unable to repeat the words of the voices as they seemed like crowd noise.

Henry Lins and Scott Blackard spilt second place two strokes back. Lins had two birdies and three one putt greens and four one putts from the fringe. Blackard shot another solid round with few mistakes and said his new driver will allow him to repeat as Tour champ. We are not sure who this new driver is as Poston is no longer allowed to be around Scott.

Cumming Georgia, June 6, 2005

Stapleton on the loose Wins, Pickard kills a flock, Litz and Number Seven Talk!

SoB's Tour is seeing the cream rise to the top as all the money winners are previous winners on the Tour over the past nine weeks. As the first third of the season ends the leader boards seem to repeat with the same SoB's just mocking for position each Tour play day. Hold on folks as the summer months produce even lower scores and higher blood alcohol levels on the non to famous SoB's Tour at the tradition depleted and over stated refinement of the Polo Fields.

Tom "Lantern Inn" Stapleton shot his best recorded round of the year (66) and won today. We would report the details but they were so boring, par, par, par, etc, etc, you would be napping like some of our playing Tour members. This marks the second time in three weeks that Tom has been to the pay window, as he finished third two weeks prior. This is the first time he has scored twice in less than a month since his bachelor days. The reason it was so easy He stated " You know playing with my group took less than the five hours it does with my normal foursome. It makes the game recreational and not endurance".

Chuck Pinkard the semi retired lawyer of the auto industry and full time removed partner of the famous Atlanta LLC, Dewey, Cheatem, Long & Hard played an amazing second fiddle to the winner with a net 67. Setting a SoB's record of eight birdies in one afternoon which eclipsed the previous number of birdies in one afternoon in the Olson versus the Warden record of six. Pickard also has more birdies than the next three players on Tour combined in just three events. We believe that continued play at this level will yield Mr.. Pinkard a lot of birdies in the future and perhaps even some four letter words from the SoB's Tour best complainers.

Third place was a split by Jerry Litzinger and Wayne Richards at net 68. The shoot out for sole position was called due to darkness. After a conference both players agreed to the division and proceed home quietly in fear that someone would come to their house and demand the money back.

Cumming Georgia May 7, 2005

Churchill Downs & Polo 50 to 1 Winners!

On a day of long shot winners two horses of a different breed shocked the sporting world on this day of our Lord... May 7th, 2005. A three year old four legged thoroughbred, and a two legged old war horse beat the odds and won today. Both left the gate at 50 to 1 odds but somehow managed to be in front at the finish line. One used the speed and power known to his breed. The other used the statue like patience know only to inert and listless. Gerry Litzinger shot a net 63 on the SoB's Tour and capture the money today. This is Gerry's best ever round in Tour play, and his first known victory since the invention of the buffet. While a scoring error almost snatched the victory from the hands of the old horse, none the less he stayed late to appeal to the commissioners and was successful in establishing that he did indeed shoot said score.

A near miss at the Tour event today was cause by an errant shot from a twenty two. The Mayor Tom Antle used a twenty two in robbing his fellow players of the second place loot.. An independent task force has been requested by the commissioners to investigate the growth in handicap of our Mayor. It does seem ironic that just after he legislated the change of the handicaps on the Polo Fields course that his personnel handicap grew by six strokes. Also of note in the Mayor's own village is the poor conditions of the course, with raised dues. The new fleet of cars he is now using, and the recent additions to his fleet of planes. The question this report poses to you..." Is Burt Lance a relative or just an advisor to our Mayor?"

Scott Blackard shot sixty nine to loaf into third place. Paced by a front nine even par, the defending Tour Champ shot seven over on the back to leak oil from his engine and crash on eighteen for his show finish. The play was highlighted by the new driver from Ping, a G- 2 model. This new driver was needed as his old driver was short in distance and sometimes unable to find it's way home after the back nine.

The SoB Tour enjoyed a long shot win today that was not noticed by those looking a the leader board. The 50 to 1 odds were dwarfed by the accomplishments of Butch Elletson and his play today. For the first time in SoB's Tour history Butch Elletson beat Wayne Richards straight up on his score card. Congrats to you Butch as now the torch of being the A player in the next member- member becomes yours.

Cumming Ga.

April 17th 2005

Tom, and Tom Beat the field, Member-Member Champs!

The SoB's Tour enjoys the association with the Polo Men's Golf Association in 2005 by sending many of it's players to compete. Once again two of our Tour's finest returned to the Championship podium of the Member-Member tournament in 2005. Mr. Tom Antle and Mr. Tom Stapleton (two time winners) showed skill and tenacity in winning this years event with grace befitting the true gentlemen they are everyday.

Gentlemen, Your Tour commends you and appreciates your membership in the SoB's.

Cumming, Georgia