Cumming, Georgia,

July 29, 2006.


BIG BROWN DELIVERS VICTORY TO VAN HORN, WHILE EADES AND POSTON BRITISH KISS THEIR SISTERS.

Holy rotation, Batman!! The SOB's finished their rounds in under four and a
half hours (Antle was in Florida) and delivered a victory to the old UPS
veteran Dave Van Horn. Sporting the Robert Hall modeling look he so famous
for, Dave posted a net 67, three shots better then his closest rivals.
Asked how he felt about leaving his worthy opponents in the dust, Van Horn
only answered, "Fuck 'em". His associates were not offended however, as
Dave answers the same way to every question, except can I get you a drink.

In second place came the unlikely pair of Steve "Trivia King" Eades and
Steve "Pink Ball" Poston. One Steve is from North Carolina and one Steve is
from Great Britain. That is were the differences end. Both Steves are
unattractive, dull, pussy whipped, aging, unethical, smart asses, drunks,
poor sports, porno addicted, light in the loafers, smell bad, genetically
defective, converse with Chris Idecker and have 10 toes, six on one foot,
four on the other. In fact, they are perfect SOB's. Their net 70's allowed
them the luxury of splitting second and third place and promptly hiding the
cash from their wives, as well as their girlfriends.

Several items of note for this beautiful Saturday. Scott Blackard
apparently found ants in his pants, which led to Lance in his pants.
Crackers, not the singer. Alan Armstrong flirted with a commissioner
imposed foul of unsoblike conduct, for repeatedly calling his wife while on
the course. The fine amounted to the purchase of a one malt beverage, from
the "roving bar", for said commissioner. Repeated violations of this sort
however, could lead to an alcohol induced lien placed on Mr. Armstrong's bar
tab. Let these notes serve as public notice and due warning.

And on a personal note, this reporter would like to apologize to Heritage
management. According to eye witnesses, several new potential members
walked away from Polo's front doors as my personal valet, Fix It Again Tony,
parked my sleek Italian sports car under the front walkway. Hey, it might
have rained during the emergency 9/18!!! An SOB has to have his priorities.

Finally, I encourage all SOB's to faithfully support and tip our outdoor and
indoor servers. We want the club to know that the SOB's not only bring
culture and refinement to Polo, but also thanks for everyone's help.

Ciao

 

Cumming, Georgia
July 22, 2006.


MACY GOES SHOPPING AT SOB'S EXPENSE, WHILE MULLINS RETURNS TO EARLY SEASON FORM.

On a hot and steamy Georgia morning, early afternoon and late afternoon, Ted
"Judge" Macy was in prime form not only to have back to back SOB wins, but
also break the long standing SOB record of net 56. Only two double bogies
on the last two holes prevented history from being made on this red, white &
blue Saturday.

Putting like a 30 year old Ben Crenshaw, Macy lit up the Polo course with an
86, net 60. Stunned rivals were left speechless when the score was
eventually turned in. The "Judge" scoffed at his critics and endeared
himself to this reporter by purchasing him a cold malt beverage. Long live
Ted Macy, the scoring machine.

Climbing and clawing into second place was the grizzled veteran, Corky
Mullins. Ignoring the long distance taunting of Commissioner Steve, Ernest
Hemmingway, Upchurch, Mullins started his second half quest to bring the
fabled SOB trophy back to the friendly confines of Polo. Playing like a man
with no testicles, Corky scored the only eagle of the day and a couple of
birdies. His outstanding net 62 was only outdone by the "Judge's" score.
Primed and ready for an end of the year shoot out, let's just hope Sharon
gives back the family jewels before the Tour Championship.

Third place went to two chronic whiners and one chronic drinker. Blackard,
Idecker (not the slow playing one) and Van Horn all earned $13. HUH????

Several items of note included the play of Commissioner Olson, whose days of
fame are obviously well over with, the foursome of Lins, Antle, Litzinger
and Richards whose style of play somewhat resembled the 0 - 60 time of a
1959 VW Beetle with fouled plugs and of course a rare appearance by Steve
Poston. God Save The (A) Queen! Or anyone else Scott Blackard may dress up
as.

Ciao.

 

Cumming Georgia March 25, 2006

The T’s Have it! Tommy, Tom, & Travis

Tommy Miller showed little skill but used his length to beat the field today on the SoB’s Tour 2006. Posting a lack luster net score of two over par the “On the Wagon” Miller stepped forth in the chase to the Champions Cup 2006 for his first victory. Nothing exciting about the win for Miller as he remained in the cart most of the day and suffered no injuries to himself or his equipment. Much to the horror of the drink cart girl, Miller showed the ability that has allowed him to finish in the top five of the money winners in the last two seasons. This report asked him if he thought he could catch the SoB’s leader Corky Mullins in 2006. Miller responded “No, my liver could not take the abuse in such a short time period to drink as many beers as Corky has over the years.” In a second attempt to get a response from Miller this question was posed. Are you focused upon the leader position in the 2006 SoB’s Tour? Once again Miller replied, “ No… I will not wear blue corduroys.”

Tom Antle the “Mayor of Polo Fields” signed and recorded a score of seventy five in a playing time of four hours and twenty nine minutes. This is a personal best for his Honor, and beats his previous times to Krogers in a Cadillac as well. It also was noted he had two holes open in front of the Tours fastest group when he took off his shoes and closed his bar tab. We believe this was done to keep from buying anyone a drink.

Travis Upchurch the second generation of the Clan Upchurch to join the Tour finished in the money for his first time ever. The latest to loose his virginity on the SoB’s 2006 Tour posted a five over net seventy seven with one birdie. The highlight of the day for the young Upchurch was the use of the lip wedge on the Tour leader Mullins who posted a net 88.

 Tour Notes: The Richards Brothers have yet to break 82, yes that is all seven of them.

Alpharetta Georgia, White Columns Golf Course March 11, 2006

 

Tie Me, Split Me, and Catch Me if you can, Pot Bust in Alpharetta!

 

Corky Mullins and Rick Skelly post the first two rounds under par for the 2006 Tour year at White Columns Country Club today and shared the first place position. On the birthplace of all of Polo Golf and Country Clubs equipment and silverware the fine pair both scored two under net 70. Playing in near chamber of commerce conditions these fellows paced the rest of the Sob Tour by a strong three strokes. Due to the lack of daylight after the five hour round no media time was allowed to this Tour event at White Columns. Seems the dawn to daylight curfew for SoB’s imposed by the Columns forced the two leaders to vacate the property with the same speed as prunes through our roster of Sob Tour players.

On this day of kissing your sister three players divided up the third place money with above par performances of net 73. These fine Sob’s that split the total of $39.00 were noted as Mr. Steve Sumner, Mr. John Olson, and Mr. Butch Elletson. These scores proved that the first two weeks of play on the Sob Tour were not flukes as they played poorly and still won money. This is not uncommon for Olson and Elletson, but is out of character for Sumner who usually can sand bag it better than above par. After all Sumner did have two birdies and a closest to the pin in busting the above par barrier.

Three weeks into the 2006 SoB Tour season we have a dominating leader on the Tour. Corky Mullins has taking control of the Tour leader board and run away from the field like a cat from a Korean short order cook. Mullins chasing his first Tour Championship has a firm grip on first place and can wrap it up by mid summer if he continues to play as he has in the past three events. This outstanding golf play and not to hearing the voices of the Tour place the “Sage of Statement” in the driver’s seat. Will our Yogi Berra of the Tour prevail? Stay with us fans for the next twenty seven events and see.

Tour Notes: 

     Computer wizard cannot operate GPS, or his memory in route to a location he has visited over a dozen times…. Mullins you say!

      The 2005 Tour Champion Steve Upchurch posted an eleven on a par five to explode into flames for the third week in a row.

      Five hours and fifteen minutes to play in the year’s slowest round with the fastest group, wonder how that happened?