Cumming GA - September 10, 2011

The SoB Tour members have finally come out of hiding after the demoralizing loss to the Posse in the Krapper Kup.  The SoB Tour Members, previously undefeated, have now joined the ranks of vile losers in perpetual darkness – a role that up to now, the Posse have enjoyed on their own.

Out of this darkness does shine one positive note.  Two SoB Tour Members rose from mediocrity, ascending to the top of their flight in the Polo Club Championship.  Gerry “Who” Litzinger was the 13th flight winner, and John “The Nose” Olson topped his flight for the second year in a row.  Olson’s ability to perform on Day 2 was called into question by the Cinco’s staff, however the true professional rose from slumber (or stupor) and performed like the champion he believes himself to be.

September brings a shift at the top of the money list with Upchurch (The Junior - AKA Abe) in the lead over Tom “The Staple” Miller.  Steve Poston has managed to hold on to a distant 3rd with Butch “The Amaretto Kid” Elletson right on his heels in 4th place. (The visual on that one is not too pretty!)  The Mayor has overtaken Upchurch (The Senior) for 5th place with his sensational 61 in the String Throw and Mulligan only to be outdone by Gerry “not sure what to call him” Litzinger’s unbelievable 59!  (Bob Young and the PMGA Handicap Committee have been alerted to this sham and the incident is still under investigation)

With only 6 more regular season opportunities before the Tour Championship, SoB Tour Members are gearing up for the home stretch.  The coveted SoB Cup still up for grabs and still within reach for many of our Tour Players.

Until the next time I am bored enough to write this dribble, I leave you with this:

Old Golfers never die – they just lose their balls

 

Cumming, GA

July 23, 2011

As July comes to a close, we find the top of the SOB leader board tightening like the elastic waistband of Corky’s BVD’s.  The top four are separated by a mere $82.96 – which is less than Stahl lost in the E-9 on Saturday. 

“The Staple” maintains his lead over Upchurch (The Junior), with The Amaretto Kid closing the gap in fourth.  Steve “I’m more pathetic than Stahl” Poston is still in third but as predicted, will continue to free-fall down the leader board with each passing week. 

Noticeably absent from the field this past week was “The Nose,” who was obviously too busy blowing to come out for a mid-summer Tour event.  We did however have Wayne back in the field this week.  He has been noticeably absent since the Red, White & Blue Tournament.  The Tour was starting up a fund so Upchurch (The Senior) could eat again.  Those collected funds will be deposited in the SOB Retirement Fund. (Not that any of us will live to collect on it!)

These past weeks have seen the un-triumphant return of Chris Ideker, obviously finding the keys while his wife was sleeping, and Gerry Litzinger who was forced to sit out of the July 23rd event to rest a groin injury sustained after his blazing round of 70 on the 16th to tie for second with Armond “The Assman” and Upchurch (The Middle).

Steve Eades must have found the lost oysters, raging back with a second and third place finish in his last two starts.  Never under-estimate the power of a few good oysters.

The Tour will be off this week followed by a WGC Event, The Krapper Kup on August 6th. 

Until the next time I’m bored enough to write this dribble, I will leave you with this quote from W.C. Fields that pertains to many of us.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again, and then quit - no use being a damn fool about it.”

 

 

 

Cumming, 7/9/2011

 

It may be the lazy “Dog Days of Summer” for most of us, but not for Tommy “The Staple” Miller.  His miraculous 60 on July 9th propelled him to the top of the money list, dashing the hopes of Upchurch (The Junior).  Kyle, thinking his 63 with four birdies would easily take top honors for the day was heard mumbling to himself for days.  His second place finish did move him to the #3 spot on the money list.

This 10 month battle for SOB domination is far from over with the likes of Antle, Elletson, and the Pakistani Law firm of Upchurch, Upchurch & Upchurchstill in the hunt.  The early season surge of Stephen “I used to have control” Poston has slowed dramatically due to his limited schedule.  In only 7 starts, he has accumulated 3 wins and a second place finish.  Although out of first place by a mere $26.33, insiders say it is doubtful he can remain in the hunt unless he experiencesa major infusion of testosterone.

Rounding out the top 10 has the wispy Scott “I need to Eat” Blackard, Wayne Richards #1, (or is it #2), and the 70’s sitcom duo of Van Horn and “The Nose.”  The second half of “The Quest for the Cup” will surely bring us golf at levels we have never seen before. (and may not want too!)

Reviewing this top ten list begs the question….where are the rest of the SOB’s?  Have they fallen off the bar stool searching for the lost salt shaker? (or watch?)  Is Eades still looking for oysters?  Has Jackson succumbed to the west coast flower power?   Has Ideker’s wife given him back the keys?  And what about Stahl…?  We have seen Mr. Glassman rise and fall like a pair of Corky’s pants, but Stahl is unnoticeably absent from the links.  Maybe he is with Linz, Lins, and Hardin…pondering life away from the game. 

Until next time I am bored enough to write this dribble, I will leave you with this reminder of our SOB motto that will carry us through the second half of our annual journey:

"YOU GOT TO HAVE A LOT OF BALLS TO PLAY GOLF LIKE WE DO!"