Today draws to an end the fifth season of the official SoB's Tour. This past year was our best season in our colorful history. In reflection, our tour grew in the number of players, the number of winners, and prize money awarded. Our tour enjoyed it's best year because of the investment each player made of his time in the fellowship, and enjoyment of the game of Golf.

This tour year of 2001 ends with tonight's party. As we come together and celebrate we wish to reflect upon some of the many moments, happenings and humorous events of the past year .We want to also update you on some of the players biography's as well. Thus take a brief look at 2001.

Highlights:

Chuck Pinkard posted the lowest gross score ever in SoB's Tour history --- "65"

First time players took first place a record number of times -- four

Thirty seven different players played in the thirty two tour events

Tour prize purse for 2001 was in excess of $9,000.00.

Twenty one different winners of first place.

Tour players winning first, three times--- Mullins, Lins, Richards,and Van Horn.

Tour regulars played more E-9's than the number of score's of ten that Wayne posted.

The Bios' update:

The Mayor has once again had surgery to remove Stapleton from his back after the last member /member tournament. Also Tom had his hernia fixed from the strain of same.

Butch Elletson kept up the momentum with another tour victory, and says golf is better now than sex. Butch has figured out that their is no risk of blindness if you play golf by yourself.

John Graddy now has a nickname.... "Pig Boy".

Mike Hardin has doubled the amount of friends on the tour since he purchased the
condo in Florida.

Steve Jackson has rehabilitated his image of being a sandbagger, this was not done on purpose however. Van Horn just improved on Jackson's technique with the use of a medical exception.

Henry Lins play very well on tour posting seven top three finishes. He did this while supporting seven tour top drinkers and a son in law during the weeks of June 21 through the 30 th. The beer cans emptied numbered the same as the temperature on those Saturdays.... thanks Hank.

Bill Jordan became known for his Amish background. Bill also receives the tour congeniality award for offering to the business ladies group the opportunity to play through John Rymer and himself this summer at the Polo.

Gerry Litzinger came off the wagon and returned with a new commitment to the game. Gerry also learned that his golf swing will save his life when swimming at the lake. Cannot keep his down!

Corkenstein Mullins played his best golf of his life this summer. Unfortunately fall and winter have arrived and that fifteen handicap is like a gashed artery. Mullins also won a contest in Alabama this spring for development of the new state motto: " Attention K-Mart Shoppers" which was selected over two other entries. The other two were "The double-wide State" and "Get in the Truck Bitch".

Little Ricky announced his retirement from public life to pursue a degree in pampering, no pampers. Little Ricky will return to the tour by the time most of us will be to old to play. Mc Cartney is best known for his business patents.... button front jeans. Zippers scare cows in Okie land.

John Olson spilt his time on tour this year with his new sport, ditch diving. Currently John is working with Mullins to develop his style. John invites you all to Spondivits for his next exhibition.

Wayne Richards tour champ is standing down today. Wayne is preparing his next business venture which involves training illiterate people to read and write with alphabet soup. Already has many voices of support.

John Rymer........... the search is continuing for John. Last heard to utter "a golf match is a test of my skill against my opponents luck". Quote of the year " Hextell, you seen Hextall".

Tom Stapleton, did not clear house arrest,and is planning an appeal for the 2002 tour year. Write Roy Barnes and help free Tom by Christmas.

Dizzy Upchurch continues his crusade of killing bad brain cells with beer. Now under investigation for playing to many tour events. Our Commissioners have noticed that Dizzy marks the salt shaker with a dime before he picks it up to use.

Dave Van Horn has recovered and now is holding seminars on golf and retirement. See Dave for his next series entitled " Be careful the toes you step on today, they maybe connected to the ass you have to kick tomorrow."

Finally, it must be stated that many times the commissioners were called upon to resolve disputes and rules questions. A meeting of the commissioners was held and the following statement issued.

"We have tried to address every matter brought to our attention this year from the viewpoint of the player. Our ruling's have been within the rules of common courtesy and in congruence with the rules of golf. We regret however that in some cases we were unable to see clearly some points of view, as we could not put our head up our ass that far."

November 3, 2001

Tour Champion Wins, Shank and Yips Missing!

Wayne Richards the current Tour Champion played alone Saturday, as his coachand
caddie were no shows. The failure of Messieurs, Mannie Shanks, and Yucan Yips
forced our Champion to play within his ability. Playing with determination
Wayne ripped the Polo Golf and Goose Club by shooting seven under par 65.
This was the Champ's second round this year of seven under or better, showing the
power that this bandit can summon on any given day.

In related news, a fund has been established to support the search efforts for
Mr. Richards valued friends and associates. Your donations can be sent to the
Tour office or left with the Pro shop. Please mark your check properly so that
your moneys will reach the fund. Mark all donations with " Voices for Shanks,
and Yips.com". Your kind generosity will benefit all of our tour members.

Tired of the news, then read last weeks results as second place was Diz, again.
Complaining his way around Polo this week as every week Dizzy post a net 66.
The rather boring round for this SoB was properly marked by Bill Jordan's
comment of " I had rather play with Rymer than be robbed like this".

Henry Lins returned from his recent treatment for Patronus, Plaid, and Paisley
Syndrome to take third place in a putt off with John Olson. Both players shot
72, but as reported Henry took advantage of his smooth stroke to distract John
on the putting green and thus secured the show position. Lins supported the days
play with greenies and birdies to grab a few more dollars to add to his
impressive play in 2001.

A few special reminders for you tour players:

11/10/01 is the DOUBLE POT DAY. Bring $40.00 for your entry fee.

Rick "Little Ricky" McCartney is expecting any minute, thus we will have our
first birth of a legitimate nature by an SoB in tour history.

The tour ends its official play on November 10th 2001. While no scores or points
will be recorded until next February 23, 2002 play will continue for those
wishing to work on their game or just cannot pass up the male bonding.

October 27, 2001

TOUR ROOKIE WINS AGAIN, AND AGAIN !

This day proved again that peer pressure is a key factor in winning on the Sob's
tour. A new player is extended a grace period that seemingly allows the rookie
to concentrate and play his game. Whoa!! be these rookies on their second event
as the tour veterans can be plenty cruel, or truthful regarding physical
deformities, poor attire, or your spare tire. Rookies, please come back and
play......... enjoy the ire of the tour as its meant to be enjoyed every
week.

Rookie, Rick "Slicer" Skelly shot a net 70 to take the first place money on this
fine autumn day at the infamous Polo Golf links in exotic Cumming Georgia.
Working with his controlled left to right shot, Slicer was able to hold the lead
in spite of heavy windbags and a 15 knot breeze from the tenth green to the
finish. Slowed only by the lack of a beer cart the field offered no challenge on
this day. Slicer said after the victory " I be back in two weeks." We believe
this was no threat, but just the time required to give notice on his day job.

Second place was taken by John Olson with an even par 72. A strong showing for
John as it is said he is working toward next year by charging hard before
seasons end to build "MOE" for 2002. This reporter believes that John is playing
well because he missed Friday night at the Mulligan Pub, thus enjoying a non
head throbbing eighteen holes.

The show position on Saturday was Ole Dizzy. Seems like every week this SoB
finds a method to take a dollar or two. However this weeks operation tops every
other used in 2001. Early on in the day Ole Diz post consecutive scores of
double bogey, bogey, quadruple bogey, bogey, bogey, double bogey, and double
bogey and still takes third place. Is anyone auditing the Mayor on these
scores?

The 2001 Sob's Tour will come to an end on November 10. This day will mark the
end of a fine season and the reign of Wayne Richards a Champion. If you did not
enjoy this year's tour then its your on damn fault. Our tour enjoyed more money,
more players, and the best weather ever. Those on the fence of enjoyment have
two weeks remaining to make up for lost enjoyment. Those lacking enough
qualifying scores to maintain your status, ( Tour Card if your from England or
Minnesota) time is short.

Party information will be provided to those deemed worthy this Saturday.....See
a commissioner for your fate.

Cumming Ga. October 6, 2001

Pig Boy Wins in Quagmire!

The tours best know Razorback played in a water soaked trough this Saturday to
win over a small but weak field of tour members. John Graddy the exiled "Pig
Boy" from the state that gave us Bill and Hillary played the course in three
over par to win by four strokes. This win proves the saying, "There is no
substitute for a genuine lack of preparation." Pig Boy was asked for an
interview, however was unavailable to the press because of a pending legal
problem involving an alleged use of distilled spirits. None the less Pig Boy
played well in the slop!

Muddy water and deception also came into play for second place on this day.
Under the cloud cover, and constant self defacing words of encouragement Dizzy
Upchurch shot a net 79 score to steal more of the tour's prize money. Dizzy did
share his outlook on the day and the poor play of the tour members. "Hell....
slippery footing does not affect a spinning head nor a hangover."

The overview of the play this week reflects the tremendous investment of effort
and overall lack of talent that our tour can summons upon demand. Never in the
five years of recorded history of the SoB's have the scores reached such
heights. This reporter has studied the group and individual score's and has
formulated the one clear cause for the results. It appears that the hearts and
minds of the tour players have been impacted by a recent event. Far beyond the
economics' issues of the stock market, far beyond the concern for our tour, lies
that one ever reaching paramount concern..... what happens if Wayne has
"Honey Do's" this week!

Just a reminder.... THIS WEEK'S FORMAT IS............. STABLEFORD.

Cumming Ga. 9/22/01

Rookie Clark Wins, Richards wants re-count!

Oh what a scoring day was enjoyed at Polo this week. Shoot anything less than
five under par and you sucked pond water. In perfect weather the lowest overall
scores of the season were posted. This seems all to planned with the member
guest on this coming weekend. People are tuning their games for the tournament
it would appear.

It was a Walt Clark, first time player that destroyed the field posting a net
61. In posting the score it was noted that Walt is a 31 handicap. Think this
through, a 31 handicap shoots 40 on one nine holes. Now put that with the fact
Mr. Clark is an airline pilot for United, working on the ground in operations.
Now each of you should understand the departure times, arrival times, and ticket
pricing. It's whatever the airline folks want it to be on any given day, just
like Saturday. Never the less with new clubs, and now no friends in the Bandit's
this was one hell of an effort. Congratulations Walt!

The shocked Wayne Richards finished with net 63, and second place. In posting
his lowest round of the year Wayne played steady, and without voices. This will
also be the last time Wayne can play without one or more of his side bets in his
foursome to insure the silence of this week is no more.

Dave Van Horn with his body guard by his side shoots below par with a hangover.
This is not unusual for Dave, just the first time since his medical release.
We also have seen no marked signs or effects from that shock treatment, other than
the desire to drive a pick up rather than a Porsche. Dave also asked this
reporter to let everyone know he is back, and available to do home inspections
and open your house prior to your moving into same.

Tom Harvey continued his consistent play with a strong bar bill again this week.
Tom was wrapping up his birthday celebration on Saturday with a fourth place
finish after last weeks win.

Moving up on the winners list Tom speaks of his motivation..... the stock
market. Well for the tours sake maybe the market will go up, and Tom will cool
off so somebody else can win a little money.

Shot of the WEEK. Number eighteen, by Little Ricky McCartney, on his drive....
OB to the right. Yea he, blasted his tee shot completely over the tenth fairway
into the Armstrong's backyard. Next week Ricky plans to go for the cycle.... a
full 360 degrees, to top his 270 degrees this week.

Cumming Ga. 9-15-01

Tom Harvey and John Olson in putt off for.... title!

Tom the "Wall Diver" Harvey, wins putt off over John Olson after both post net
68. Tom Harvey best know for his coin tricks, put the cash in his pocket as John
Olson putted to far past the hole on Saturday. Tom, a frequent player on the
tour played without a hang over, thus his win is under protest. Early in the day
Harvey boast that if he could play the course without a double bogey "he could
win." He did, and he did. Nice round on his birthday!!

John Olson almost win was a real struggle all the way to the nineteenth hole.
Playing without long time advisor Corkenstien Mullins, Olson was clear headed
and focus upon barely impacting his handicap inputting his net 68. We as do all
Bandits question how much longer he can continue to play on his blackjack
handicap. Watch John for the rest of the tour season as he is gearing up for a
charge for the SoB's trophy, and an invitation to the Olympic Ditch Diving
finals in Dawsonville this fall.

Third place was also settled in a putt off between Scott Blachard, and Gerry "Clower"
Litzinger. The putt off finished with Clower sinking his putt, after a fine effort by
Scott. In true form Clower talked the entire eighteen holes and no one listened
as expected. When interviewed after the putt off as to his play on Saturday,
Clower said his method was " Aim low, reach your goal, avoid disappointment."
Well said Mr. Litzinger.

The tour welcomed the return of many of its players strained by the recent events in New York.
None however was received with more anticipation than Wayne "The Ten " Richards.
Henry Lins was excited as this marked the end of his two weeks of loses. -Dizzy
Upchurch's kids can return to the University of Georgia. Rick Mc Cartney's wife
can now dispatch the midwife and use a hospital. Welcome home Wayne, you were
missed by us all.

Cumming Ga. 9/1/01

Goose Cooks for first Win!

Saturday at the Polo Fields, The Goose's Season opened with his first win. Mike
" The Goose " Hardin shot a net 67 to beat the field of challengers. This
victory comes on the heals of a slow summer for this tour player, whose only
other highlight was a second place finish earlier this season. Because of this
new found confidence perhaps Mike will not try and pass off a retirement home as
a condo in Marco Island on Saturday's any more this year. Hell, we all know Mike
cannot move without a note from Richard Hill.

Perhaps, we also should tell you of his retirement plans other than moving to
Blue Hair Land. Mike is believed to be doing the following:

Purchasing a boat, ... Slightly used 38 footer called " Monkey Business". The
advertisement for the boat said it was guaranteed to allow you to pass from the
public life into retirement without a chance of a return.

Spending his UPS retirement, Mike's motto "Teach the children the value of a
dollar, give them a dime".

Write his guide to success at UPS. Early excerpts from the book:

How to put your laser printer on stun!
Don't play stupid with me, I am better at it!
Managing programers is like herding cats.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.

The rest of the tour play on this day brought three players tied for second
place. In the putt off only two names floated to the top, which is a method to
transform energy into solid waste.

In second place was the relic of the sea, the for whom the putt tolls, Steve
Upchurch. Interviewed after the final results Mr. Upchurch only mentioned his
keys to placing second were... A bartender is just a pharmacist with a
limited inventory, thus giving you specialized treatment.

Third place, John Rymer shot a smooth 70 as well. However the story really lies
beneath the score as John played without his coach Bill Jordan, and finished in
a time of four hours ten minutes. This lightening round proved that John was not
the original person in the story of slow play that was associated with his
name. For the record, the story was told that John as a child played his first round
of golf at age six. John's tee time was early in the morning on a fall day, thus
requiring young Rymer to wear a sweater, and trousers. When finished with the
round, young John still wore the sweater, but the pants were now shorts.

Cumming Ga. August 17, 2001

GREAT SCOTT, THE ROUGH WAS TOUGH, AND A BLACHARD DAY was had by all!

Saturday was indeed A great Scott day. Mr. Blachard in conditions that only
allowed one sub par score took the win with a net 69. Playing without his
international advisor, the slender man form Minnesota raced to the winners
circle, much like he races home after the end of eighteen holes. When asked
about the round Scott only commented that he did not understand how Poston
could confuse a Ryder truck to Auburn, with the Ryder Cup.

In a two way tie for second were D. Shaul and Dizzy Upchurch with net 73. You
would have had to have seen the manner these two sliced and diced to scratch out
a few dollars. Shaul post a front 48, and Dizzy a backside 47. Can someone
explain the logic to these fellows even accepting money with such scores? It
would seem to this reporter that retirement must be tougher than David expected.
The opposite must be true for Dizzy, he cannot afford to retire the robbing on
the tour is tax free.

Next week the tour is dark, we will resume play on September 1, 2001. As we move
to the last quarter of the season several questions have come to the surface on
the SoB's tour.

First what has happen to Wayne Richards? Early tour leader now in a slump has
not been a factor in some weeks. Several view points from fellow tour players
have been expressed, we however just asked Wayne, who stated that "No sense
being pessimistic, it wouldn't work anyway."

John Rymer a tour pillow of stone over the years is missing from the leader
board. John has struggled this year, with economic issues and a pull hook. John
did reflect when asked.... things are coming together that will bolster my play.
"I am in total control, and time is the best teacher." Well John listen up,
first we will not tell your wife about your control, and time kills all its
students. Get going yours is short.

The tours best dressed award is the closest ever in recorded history. The usual
contenders are in the hunt, Antle, and Lins. However we have challengers with
Haraway, Blachard, and Richards. Watch closely as new fall fashions will soon
appear on tour. We hear that one player has hired a New York designer, and
another has moved to someone else's house thus improving his chances. Needless
to say, the competition for the Golden Kagool is now heated, and the
commissioner's are still accepting bribes.

August 11, 2001

Cumming Ga. Sumner Gets Hot as Summer Ends!

No Alibi's needed this week on tour. Billy Mayfair showed up and play under
Steve Sumner's tour card. "What an Ass kicking was Administered in winning
Saturday's event by ten strokes" said one commissioner. Review of the rules for
next years event have already started due to the Heat of the Sumner. Not only
did he win with ease he took four birds and close to the pin awards. Do we have
the albino Tiger on the SoB's tour? It also makes us tour members understand why
dealing with an insurance person is so unlike Harry Truman, the buck doesn't
even slow down here.

Redundancy, finish in second place. Oh, perhaps you don't know who that would
describe. A politician with an airbag in his car.... yea the Mayor finished
second again. The old Bushwood curmudgeon shot a gross 80 to take second place.
These last few weeks Tom has played well in spite of being handcuffed since
winning the tour championship a few years back.( Wedding rings: the world's
smallest handcuffs. )

Jordon breaks free and finished in third. Claims the ability to speed up his
pace allowed him to finish in the show position this week. We reviewed the film
and the only difference noted was the lack of Rymer is his group. When
interviewed by the press about this return to the money, Jordon stated "Hard
work never killed anyone, but why should I chance it".

A tour guest finished in fourth on Alibi day. Seems only fitting as it takes one
for him to get out play, Scott Blachard. Posted an 82 . Reporters asked what
strategy was Scott using during the play on Saturday? He replied car pooling,
seems he and Poston are not allowed to have their own transportation, or Alibi
as to why they did not come home on time.

Saturday was indeed a great day for quotes from tour players. Many we cannot
print due to the adult nature, however match these to the names of our tour
elite:

I am not a complete idiot.... some of the parts are missing.
If there were no golf balls, how would they measure hail?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Cumming Ga. August 4, 2001

"Maybe I amazed, ...Who's in the middle of something
That he really doesn't understand" Little Ricky McCartney Sings!

On a humid day in Georgia, sweet music came from McCartney as he moved through
the woods and meadows of Polo on his way to his first victory of 2001.He has
moved though these woods and meadows before, this was the first time during the
day and without his binoculars. Little Ricky posted a 68 in route to an easy
victory. When question about his success this week, McCartney " stated it was
his first threesome of the year, thus allowing him to coach more on a one to one
basis".

Politically speaking, THE MAYOR, strolled in to take second place with a net 69.
This was is first 69 this month. Playing well, his honor shot 38 on the backside
of Polo. In checking this was the first time the Mayor has had a 69, and a 38
since that girl at Georgia Tech in 1967. Never the less both were nice scores,
and shows how strong Tom is with numbers like these to play with on a regular
schedule.

Third place was a two way tie. Tom Stapleton and Steve Upchurch each posted net
70's to share third place. These two struggled to the wire to make the show
position. Tom did everything he could to slow play, and Steve kept the buzzard's
off the body during putting. However both stayed ahead of Rymer.

Special interest:: Is how well Lins played Saturday, three close to the pins,
and two birds. Nice job!

The collapse of the Corkinstein.... a twelve and shoot 78, he could have won for
the third week in a row.

Cumming Ga. July 14, 2001

IT'S ALL RELATIVE, SAYS THE MAYOR !!!!!

Tom " The Mayor of Bushwood" cruised into the winners circle this Saturday.
Shooting a net sixty six, his honor won by two strokes. Playing steady for
eighteen holes, posting out in forty one and back with the same score. When
asked to explain his play, Mayor was quick to state it was relative, no
relatives. Seems the Mayor has had company for days at home ( in-laws) and thus
has not had any opportunity to relieve his testosterone. We discount the story
and its worthiness based upon knowledge and theory testing. Hell if this true
then Olson would be on the tour with his basement support team at this side.

Litzinger returns from bean town to finish second. We are glad to see this tour
veteran return to the place position this week. Shooting a sub par sixty eight,
Litz immediately returned to the foam cup for support ending his self imposed
ban on outside substances. Welcome back, and besides it was causing Graddy to
drink alone with his foam friend.

Third place was the Christmas party. Yea with all the birds, close ups, and the
above the Party finished third. Fourth, well best we leave that quietly alone as
his wife will be getting a congratulations letter from the commissioner on his
$450.00 win this week. Guess we have someone at the mail box on Tuesday. Just
licked the stamp, this will teach you to come and win and never buy a drink.

Tin Cup award........ Wayne Richards or " Just give me a ten " hole number
one.

Cumming Ga. july 7, 2001

Old Dizzy, bitches way to Win

For eighteen holes Old Dizzy bitched, moaned, and complained while take the
money out of the tour players pockets. You had to have been one of his playing
partners to realize just how much, or how many strokes this player has to throw
away. With a net 67 for the round Upchurch coasted to victory. We reviewed his
card and he had two triples in route to the victory. Just makes you wonder how
he can do this without trying rob banks with the same brashness.

The Goose took second place on this first Saturday in July after several weeks
away. Mike Hardin just returned to the tour after six weeks of migratory bird
watching classes. When interviewed about this fine round, Mike commented that
much of the pressure is off his neck now that he can identify birds that are
preparing to unload.

Little Ricky takes third and retires Richards. Little Ricky the tours only
southpaw played a excellent round to capture third and the prizes that come with
a top three finish. This effort however was diminished with the announcement
that Wayne pull his bet from McCartney after the match. This is a financial
disaster for Little Ricky, especially with a new baby on the way. Can you
imagine the impact to the economic welfare, not to mention the second job that
will now have to be found.

Tin cup award............. His honor the Mayor of Bushwood, nice sixteen on
number seven.

Cumming Ga. 6/23/01

Lin's Gang runs wild, and Wins tour event TOO!

This week like dog's on a broken chain, the Lin's gang hit the Polo Fields
on a mission. Running wild on, an off the course. Henry was heard to Say, " this
E-9 is a hell of a lot of fun..Tommy". Which proves that your never to old to
learn. Then the gang proceeded to take the 19th hole to it's knees with a closing
performance any family would be proud to be associated with in Cumming.

Saturday, Henry (Panama Jack) Lin's was hotter than Georgia asphalt. The net 64
posted beat the field by a wide margin. With laser like shots Lin's proved once
again that having your wife out of town can pump new life in any of our members.
This latest victory gives this tour player a big lead for tour Champion. It
looks like a cake walk from here on to November, which is the most current dance
he knows.

Second place was taken by Tommy Miller, son in law of Lin's. Playing his first
round this year at the Polo Fields since last years Betty Ford tournament,
Tommy played well (recovering). Shooting 67,on a handicap set by his father in
law, whose daughter just retired does seem a bit odd however. We believe this
may have also been an effort to pay off last years joyous bar tab that was an
in-law record.

Third place with a 68 net was -----------. This tour player was not supposed to
play on Saturday, as he was working at the office to avoid visitors at home.
Thus for a small fee, we forgot to record the name. So enjoy the money, and now
we own your ass, when the wife is around.

Members are urged to sign up each week, as tee times are becoming hard to obtain
for groups of sixteen or more. Please be considerate and call, we don't care if
the band is playing we are not your wife.

Tour tip of the week. "Striking reptiles on the course is not proper in golf,
unless others can see them." Rick McCartney.

June 9th, 2001

Cumming Ga.- Sand Bandits have low scores, low attendance, and a win with a 10,
or lift, clean and in your face by the Bama gang!

It's that time of year when the real Bandits hit full stride. Concrete is sure
to develop on the tour as we had six days of rain and more sand than Daytona
Beach on the tour this week. Ponder this one sport fans. The winner on tour post
a net 61 with a 10 on one hole. Yea ! you people buying the post office,
Brooklyn bridge, and this score need a guardian. The bottom line is we got
someone on tour that is carrying 14 strokes for an emergency.

61. Corkey Mullins post a record round. Steals pot, drinks beer, and picked up
the money this week. Interviewed after the event Mullins was happy to thank his
coach Manny Budlight, and the absence of John Olson as keys to his victory.
We were also asked by Corky to thank all the his sponsors... Fleetwood Mobile
Homes, Red Man , and Mrs. Johnson's eight grade algebra class. ,

The seven players this week posted overall the lowest scores seen in weeks. Over
50 % of the players posted below par nets. If this does not demonstrate ability,
then surely it points to the motivation that comes out on tour when Wayne is not
playing and their is relatively little place else to score big cash. Wayne will
be back next week, tour is Expecting a record turnout.

A tip of the hat to the others playing well... Hextall, and Olson.

Pro Tip of the week, comes from Henry Lins " work in the yard with Molley, or
play golf on a rain soaked course? " Wear waterproof shoes".

Cumming Ga. June 2, 2001

Mayor takes money. Rymer finishes first
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first Saturday of June produced some unusual happenings on the tour. The
Mayor of Brushwood took the money home. This is not Mayor Antles first time to
take money, just the first time that no investigation was launched. Mayor shot
net 65 in the largest field this year on tour. This win marks the return of his
Honor, after a two year rehab from surgery and marriage.. Nice win his
Mayoral..ship.

Second place was taken by Tom Harvey. Mr. Harvey has performed well over the
last few weeks as this is his second top three finishes in four weeks. This also
is the same number of weeks he has missed Friday night at the club, and that you
could smoke around him on Saturday morning without fear of explosion.

Mike Hextall took third with a net 70. Marked by steady play, Mike enjoyed the
day by avoiding any golf tips offered by his playing partners. Mr.Hextall is
charging on the tour now, thus you need to check your bill.

For the first time ever in the history of the tour John Rymer finished first
with a time of four hours and twenty eight minutes. When asked how his threesome
beat his personal best, Rymer commented only on the new lunch menu, and that the
bar being opened in the afternoon, were a vast improvement over the Sunday
buffet.

Dateline Cumming Ga. May 26, 2001

Recount called for in Tournament Results.. Pregnant Carrie........ Al Gore
not involved!

Saturday results were contested by a person educated outside the state of
Alabama. The recount proved once again that the 50th ranking in education owned
and cherished by the state of Alabama is deserved. Officials from Birmingham
denied any wrong doing, explaining that Alabama math is not intend to go higher
in numbers than the total of a graduates teeth, or digits of a full length with
nail attached.

Congratulations to Steve Jackson with a fine round on Saturday of 65. Taking
first inspite of a pencil whipping earlier by the ex-tour accounting firm of
Duwee, Cheatum, and Howe, LLD. This score also points out just how much sand a
person can carry, as Mr. Jackson did double bogy a few holes.

Second place was taken by Steve Upchurch, after attempting to pay for first.
Scoring a 68 with a triple bogy and three doubles it would seem that their is no
sand here.... hell its a beach in this guys bag. A source close to the
commissioners has been tipped that he will no longer expect bribes to work, thus
is looking for a postal worker to use as a lobbyist. None the less nice shooting
for the vertically challenged. Think he figure out the E-9 game and bring it to
the tour, then shoot 74.

Third place was settled in a shoot-out between Tom Harvey and Henry Lins.
Hitting wedges off the bank on number eighteen Mr. Harvey was able to keep his
ball out of the water, but unable to get on the surface of the green, thus
Mr.Lins took third. A pair of 70's were posted by both senior citizens, which
means niether can shoot their age or act it on our tour.

Congrats, to the Mc Cartney's.... the Mrs. is expecting this fall. This is
unfortunately bad news for the tour as now we can expect to see Rick every week
and someone will have to play with him. We expect the handicap to fall as
Rick's other outlet is closed until later this year, so watch out E -9'ers.

Tip of the Week, or a Corkydum........... "You know you really go after the par
5's, but not the par 4's....Why do you do that" he asked. Well would it be to
get on the green in two !!!!!!!

May 12, 2001 Cumming Ga.

Jordon Return's,..... but its a long road traveled.... played with Rymer.

Bill Jordon finally got in the last laugh and finished first this week on the
SoB's Tour. A new determination was seen by Mr. Jordon peers as he shot a 69 to
take first place, as he waited until all the other scores were posted.
Unlike in previous weeks Mr.Jordon turned to trash talking upon arrival at the
course. First taking Rymer, then Olson, and finally the Mayor with jabs about
their play, swing, and logic. Mr.Jordon's agent apparently has convinced him to
drop the Mr. Nice title and become more like Charles Barkley than Micheal
Jordon. This all in an effort to secure endorsements for several products of
interest to senior citizens. Rumors have not been confirmed at this time but it
seems Hilderbrandt caskets, Len's Crafter's, and Del Webb's Sun City are making
offers. Some say these are solicitations, and not sponsors.

Wayne Richards finished in second by one stroke, in spite of a late lip wedge on
hole number 15 that cost him three strokes. We trust this second place finish
can be remembered by Wayne. The chance seems slim, as he cannot remember what
table he leaves tips on, or is that he has left so much money on tables that it
all blends. Guess we will need to get him a biker's wallet with a chain.

Third place was a two way tie between Hextall and Upchurch. Neither player
wishing to play it off, thus splitting the pot two ways. Two gray headed old
farts unable to play another hole is more like the case. Anyway nice job guys,
and rest up the tour plays again in a few weeks.

Tour Tip of the Week. When carrying your partner it is best not to say " Jim,
when you going to get off your dead ass and play?" This golf pointer is
especially important when Jim is taller, holding a club, and has a hangover.

This week the tour is dark. We hope you each will support the Men's golf
association tournament and represent our tour. No question that the quality of
play will be greatly effected by the number of strokes and math skills the SoB's
have to offer. Be aware we have a reputation to uphold, and thus you should fill
your coolers before noon to make sure you get your fair share.

Finally, One last warning. Tour players are forbidden from practicing without
prior permission. Even with permission no player can practice without spirits.
WE MEAN BUSINESS!

Dateline Cumming Ga. 5/5/01

SoB's celebrate with stinko VanhornO, We finally had someone else win!

This week we had a tight and tough match with new winners celebrating with low
net scores and a healthy pay out. The big winner and well deserved was Steve
Eads with a net 64. Great overall effort, especially in light of the fact of a
double bogey on hole number one.

Mr.Harvey was second, with a 68 or at least that is what he reported. Auditors
are now checking into the possibility that Tom thought we asked for his age,
thus confusing him. Never the less he took the money and mumbled something about
his check arriving early, and in cash.

Mr. Jordon a runner up again. Bill is playing well, he just turns in his score
to early to win first place some weeks. Also leading with birds on the course
and from fellow tour players.

Highlight of the week comes from tour player John Olson....." teeing up a shot
is a big advantage, especially after the third ball has hit the water hazard".
In checking with other tour players it is confirmed.... teeing it provides more
time to hide behind the carts, and extends the period of laughter by four
additional seconds per shot.

Tune in next week for additional tips from John and other tour players. This
week's tour tip will come from Wayne Richards titled " What to do when your
handicap drops by two strokes, and you have your eighty-one year old father to
beat while playing with your peers" or " Ways to handle handicap recession
without cost".

Finally, a sad,sad note. Tour player Butch Ellison has fallen upon hard times.
Our commissioners are working on a charity event to assist our comrade during
these unfortunate times, details to follow. Please be sensitive with Butch in
this time of calamity, as we have learned he is now washing dogs. Seems only a
short time ago Butch was drinking the hard stuff straight and betting on the
dogs.

April 28, 2001- Cumming GA.

Commissioner's Call in authorities.

SoB's commissioner's have contacted local authorities regarding possible foul
play, abduction, and conspiracy by another league to take over the tour and its
time schedules. These allegations have been handed over to local law enforcement
and government officials in light of the implications surrounding the unusual
happenings this past Saturday.

On a day marked by high winds, and slick greens the numbers of peculiar story
lines could not remove the smell of peccadillo, pawky, pact, pain, palaver and
pageantry. The day had unfolding stories in every foursome.... and in the
paddock as well.

The most interesting development is the investigation into the abduction of tour
member Dave Vanhorn. Tour officials believed several weeks ago that tour player
Dave Vanhorn had been abducted on a recent trip to Tampa Florida. Several
individuals came forward to report suspicious behavior by Mr. Vanhorn, thus
kicking off suspicion that and abduction had taken place by either aliens, a
religious cult, or mobsters. The numerous theories are being studied, in an
effort to explain Mr. Vanhorn's new energy, better wardrobe, ability to speak
in full sentences, and string of Tour winnings. " This past weeks score of 93 is
not applicable to the talent of the Dave Vanhorn I know" stated Wayne Richards.
In related news Mrs. Vanhorn has arranged a reward for the return of "her Dave",
and a campaign in which Mr. Vanhorn's picture will be on the label of every
bottle of viagra.

Tour officials have decided to take action in light of the on going
investigation and until the truth is found by reducing the handicap of the
alleged alien, cult member, or impostor by way of plastic surgery from the
Gambino family. " This would be consistent with our simple approach to the
problem, our budget restrictions, the fact we like the new Dave better, and is
the best solution for the Tour ", stated the Commissioner's.

In other news foul play is being studied by the Tour. The scores turned in by
the Lins, Harvey, Haraway, Antle, and Richards group this weekend indicate a
review of our Tour policy on sand bagging, substance abuse, and talent
requirements needs immediate attention. These four Tour players each shot the
temperature in the Sahara desert.

Tour officials have respond with no comment on the rumor of a hostile takeover.
Sources close to ladies business woman's tour were quoted earlier this week as
interested in taking over the SoB's tour in an effort to speed up play on their
tour. This weekend research indicated that this action could save over 3000
woman hours on the Polo Golf course. The only comment's by the commissioner's
was something to the fact it was much less time consuming to play in a dress as
no trees were required during relief breaks. In review however we are
recommending the use of kilts for some members, and besides it would go well
with the ale consumed by same.

Congrats to: Vanhorn/ Valdar from the planet Zotar
Butch/ on the Bud light
Rymer / for putting a woman behind him in her place
waiting.... on every shot.

4/14/01

Cumming Ga. Sand Bandits update

Saturday marked the first ever blind draw tournament, and boy what a time it
was for many of the players. Then their was a time to remember for a few that
witnessed the lowest gross round ever posted in our history. The opportunity
to enjoy a gross score of 65 posted by Chuck Pinkard was a afternoon well
spent. We now have a record round, and a record number of birdies, and one eagle to
talk about. This record will stand the test of time, as our whole group rarely
has seven birdies in a tournament. Nice, very nice Mr. Pinkard.

On to the rest of the Saturday, the blind draw was won by Mr. Lins, and Mr.
Richards. They posted a net 59. Seems strange the score is also the average
age of the two of them. Congrats to this team, as they were able to fix the draw
and win prior to the first tee. It is also hard to audit a stockbroker, and his
consultant as they would normally have different views to share on every
score and the method of averaging same. What the hell is stroke averaging anyway?

The commissioners have reviewed the film of the event and now have decided
that a few rules will need to be addressed before next years event.

1. No cart will be allowed to have two players playing from the same bag. No
wait that may have been one playing with two bags on the cart. Mayor what
was that again?

2. Friends should not play together in a blind draw, friendship is more
important than money, right...... John Olson.

3. Selling of your teammate is not allowed regardless of the money you offer
for someone to take them.

4. Blind draw is not to be confused with who can relieve themselves on the
side of the tee box on number three. Some of our younger members can see the
faces from the green.

5. All winners are now required to go to golf school. The benefits of which
Dave Vanhorn can attest with his smooth 116.

Finally..... golf season is now in its prime, thus if you want to have a
time you must sign up to play. Reservations are a must, failure to inform the
group will result in you hitting balls with Litzinger while the rest play golf.

April 7, 2001

will long be remembered as the Saturday that a mature and
inspiring golfer began the final step in what history will always regard as
an unique slam. Playing a game unlike anyone had seen before, his partners
were memorized by his every swing. Donning the attire of the well respected
Augusta course, he attacked every hole with the club head speed of a man
twice his size. And when this day was over he held not one, not two, not
even three, but all four!!! Yes, Wayne Richards held the hearts of all four
of his betting comrades, as he passed out one bill after another to their
eagerly awaiting hands. Wayne was truly "Grand Slammed" this week.

Hey, Tom Stapleton won, but isn't that an electronic anklet he is wearing.
Better ask Chris. Rich House came in second? Steve Eades came in third?
God, this golf group sucks!!!!!

Corky Mullins lost his head, well off his five wood. Mike Hardin almost
made a hole in one. The drink cart ran out of Miller Lite, (possible class
action beer fixing lawsuit may be filed by one of the commissioners) Butch
Ellitson left early and David Shaul fell into this weeks emergency
nine/eighteen ATM web.

This weeks only visible violation of tour rules involved the late arrival of
one the tours most respected members, Gerry Litzinger. Citing the inability
to wake up after a night of over indulgence, or was it I thought the tee
time was 12:00, denotes two severe problems. Number one, every tour member
is expected to be in good drinking practice and show up on time. You are
more than welcome to blow chunks during the eighteen holes. (Caution:
Steve Upchurch owns a dog named "Chunks") Number two, save that "heavy"
drinking for the emergency nine(s).

Remember this weeks format is a blind draw. Please don't bring your
crayons. Hours are from our initial tee time until it gets dark!

Keep your putter stiff and have that special someone kiss your balls for
good luck.

Thanks.

JHO III

Week one - Feb 24, 2001
Wayne started this season off with a resounding finish. Based on the Chicago format, he was a stellar +4. The next closest was Rick McCartney with a +1 and Henry Lins was third with a goose egg. Although Henry had three birds he could only muster third place. There was a first again this week, Steve Upchurch had an eagle. All four close-ups were won: Blackard, Jackson, Mullins, and Upchurch. There was a total of eight birdies: Lins (3), Jordon (2), Litzinger, Olson, and Richards each had one.

Week Two - Mar 3, 2001
On a foggy and damp day, five members of the SoB's decided to tee their golf balls up and participate in another fierce round of competition. Steve, John, Wayne, Dave and Rick approached the rain soaked tundra of Polo, with memorable pains from the night before. As 12:00 noon approached, the rain subsided and the sun tried to peek out, surely Mike Desante's way of waving from above. Olson pared the first four holes and finished the front nine with a 44. Van Horn, Upchurch and McCartney all challenged on the back nine. But Olson, the ultimate mudder, won the days festivities by one stroke. Olson had two close ups and Upchurch had one. Van Horn had a birdie. Richards had a ........ well wait till next week.

Of some interest was an emergency nine that broke out later that afternoon involving Olson, Upchurch and one of our founding members Terry Morrison. For the record, Mr. Morrison and Mr. Richards do not use the same ATM.

Week Three - Mar 10, 2001
Apparently Henry Lins made a dramatic recovery from the first week. Although he had no birdies, he managed to take first place. Two weeks ago he had three birds and managed third place. On the wagon Litzinger was second and J Rymer was
third. Close-up's were Olson, Litzinger, Upchurch, and the Mayor Antle. The only birdie was made by J. Rymer. On a lighter
note obviously Upchurch has broken the code to Mullins' ATM and drained it dry. The last group of Antle, Grady, Litzinger,
and Lins just missed being severely chastised by beating the 20 minute timer by 30 seconds.....

From the Commisioner:

March 10, 2001 Dateline Cumming Ga.

The third week of the tour featured the years best weather, and worst scores
overall. Several tour members were able to shoot scores equal to the temperature
in Death Valley California. A low ninety was nothing to post this week as
everyone appears to be in a handicap building mode for the spring and summer.

Featured happenings this Saturday was the double porch hit shot by Frankinstein
Mullins on number seventeen. Yes two bounces were heard and confirmed with a
screaming hook with a Precept ladies ball. Who says this guy cannot play under
pressure.

The common thread this week was the money winners are all retired and very
slow,. Well that's only true for J. Litzinger who finished second. H.Lins
finished first, and is only semi-retired as he is working on reducing the DOW
part time and golf three days a week. J. Vanwinkle Rymer claims to be working in
construction, however has lady soft hands... finished in third.

Next week is an off week for the tour, the club wants to have a tournament....
what a bunch of fine people we can influence in the ways of debauchery. This
will be an excellent time to spread the creed which all SoB's live with in their
daily pursuit of all things excessive.

Two disturbing points need to be addressed with our tour members.!!!!!!!!!!

Information has been provided to the commissioner's regarding the use of drugs
by tour members. Thus we will have random drug testing at all events. Anyone
tested and found negative for alcohol on Saturday morning can and will be
suspended. The SoB's have a zero tolerance for anyone taking an unfair advantage
over the tour players association.

Sunday afternoon a second act of unsportsman like conduct was witnessed by both
commissioners. We have deem that Dave Vanhorn is on double secret probation for
a willful and coward's act of practicing chipping and putting. Mr.Vanhorn claims
to be a 29 handicap and we all know they (29 handicappers) do not practice. Thus
it is now decreed that anyone caught practicing without a bet of some type will
be subject to a reduction of their handicap, and increased entry fees because we
believe them to be cheating fellow tour players.

See you on the 24th.

March 24, 2001 -- Cumming Ga.

SoB's tournament number four proved to be a beautiful day laced with ugly
scores. High winds and wet conditions provided excuses for most tour
members. Many players commented on the cart path only play as a major obstacle to
being able to score..... fatigue and a throbbing head from alcohol would be closer
to the truth.

Never the less Dave Van Horn was able to post a sub par round of 69. This
marks Dave's first tour win of 2001, however the victory is marked with a black
eye due to the double secret probation for practicing. Officials are reviewing
the score card as the group Mr. Van Horn played with reported that at no time in
the round did he take off his shoes to calculate the strokes taken on any hole.
This suspects the possibility of a scoring error as Dave has only ten toes and
fingers.

Henry Lins shot 72 under great pressure to finish second. When asked about
the score Mr. Lins commented it could have been better, but his group took off
his wheels on the back nine after a 38 on the front. Seems a herd of wolves and
pigs distracted Henry. Also noted was the fact that today's second place finish
propelled Mr. Lins into the early lead of the tour in winnings.

Third place was Steve Upchurch with a score of 74. We are not sure how this
happened as the five doubles and one triple would tell you he is not a
player. We have reports that he spent most of the day lip wedging Wayne thus forgot
how bad he really can play.

Cumming Ga. 3/31/01

"Sand Bandits caught up in scandal"

.............. Yes a protest regarding scoring marred Saturdays tournament.
Allegations of chad, pregnant cards, and an unnamed Georgia Tech. graduate have
all been linked to a links fraud. Apparently in an effort to appear to be fluent
in math a Ga. Tech alumni calculated that 12 from 80 is 70. This resulted in a
call for recount and the need for the Tech. graduate to remove his socks to
count. After an appeal and two rounds of drinks purchased for the commissioners
a new order of finish was announced. Due to this situation it will be required
that no Georgia Tech. or Georgia alumni be solely responsible for any teams
score card. Effective today any person from either school will need a CO-signer
with a certified GED degree.

This week Butch was the early leader and winner with a net 66. Great round for
Butch, and another example of clean living producing nothing of value on the
tour. Arm with more strokes than three cats have lives Butch ran away from the
field with a two stroke margin of victory. This his second tour win came with
much surprise as it is spring break and the Floribama is open.

Second place this week was Bill Jordon with a net 68. Seems strange that it has
taken Bill this many weeks to understand the benefit of turning in his score
last. Players with Bill commented how well he played and that he only napped
twice during the round. Congrats Bill its a shame that you had to spot a stroke
a hole to a sighted person.

Third place was a tie. We understand how that happened as Wayne Richards and
Steve Upchurch were partners in a side match thus were unable to lip wedge each
other. This is a real scary situation for the tour if these two stop mouthing
and play golf. Net 69 were the scores for third place, and its the first week
all winners were in the sixties.

A strong week for birds, both on and off the course. Thirteen birds spread
across most of the field is impressive based upon the conditions of the greens.
Nice playing you cheaters.

Special note: Additional reports have placed many tour members under suspicion
for practicing. Let's be damn clear about the tour policy..... practicing is
illegal and will be dealt with in a severe manner. Retiring is no reason to
practice, find another place to stay away from your wife. Hell become a
consultant, then you can travel and play golf four times a week without fear.